Relationships – Page 2 – View From My Shoes

New Neighbor

81916770-CA6B-49EE-9D56-D2AF4D79E640 Every three months Scott and I make the trek to the El Reno Cemetery to change the flowers on Jeff’s grave. It is a routine we have down to an art. When we were there the first week in September changing the summer flowers out for the fall flowers, we noticed several new graves in the area. We were back again the first week in December changing out the fall flowers for the winter flowers. As part of our normal routine, we were checking out the new neighbors as many of them had headstones up by now. Anyway, the whole time we were there, an elderly man was puttering around at one of the newer graves. He was making the motions of rearranging the flowers on the grave, but really never moving anything. I couldn’t stand it any longer and had to go over and talk to him. It was clear as I approached and looked at the new headstone, he was standing at his wife’s grave. I began the conversation by asking if this was his first Christmas without her. I learned he celebrated their 49th anniversary in November with out her and many other first that C0FC7EF7-1423-49A4-87B6-5178A6CFF5EC happen during the infamous year of first that happens after the death of a loved one. After we talked for several minutes, he asked me what I’m sure appeared to be the obvious questions, “is this your parent’s grave?” He was surprised to hear that it was my husband’s, but I pointed out Scott, who had been standing there the whole time. I said, “Look, God gave me a new one.” That created quite a laugh and then we were able to talk about living life after the loss of a loved one.

It wasn’t a week later that I was at Hobby Lobby (not getting stationery if you read my last blog) when a young, beautiful mother turned quickly around a corner and crashed into my cart causing her diaper bag/ purse to spill to the ground. I began to help her pick up her belongings and she just started crying. We were able to visit for a little bit, but most importantly I was reminded how many people are deeply hurting this time of year, but no one can tell by just looking. She was beautiful. If you just looked at her, you would think her life was perfect. Trust me, that wasn’t the case.

I remember the “year of first” when I had to fake every smile and just go through the motions of celebrating Christmas. I remember the stress as a young mother of having more gifts to buy than money allowed and how nothing, not even brushing my teeth, was easy. The fact is, there are people all around us each and every day that are hurting on the inside. It doesn’t matter how good they look on the outside, there can still be pain on the inside. Our neighbors need us, but we also have to make ourselves available.

This should be saved for another blog, but I have come to the conclusion that I either look like a really nice person, or I look like I work at Wal-Mart. For some reason, it never fails, that some man will ask me a question about where to find a random item when I am shopping at Wal-Mart. It is always a man that has a list from his wife and doesn’t want to get it wrong. I really think it has to do with making eye contact and smiling. Then the next thing I know, I’m helping someone find meat tenderizer.

Anyway, the point is, let God use you to be available for the hurting people that are right next door to you. It could be the co-worker that seems to have it all, but maybe doesn’t. It might be the girl at the gym that looks great in her work-out clothes, it might be the clerk at 7-11 you see each morning or it might be you. If it is the person you see each day, be there for them. If it is you, you’re the one that is dying on the inside, please know you are not alone. Life is hard and not always fun, but there is a joy and a peace that cannot come from anything on this Earth. It is there and it is real. It doesn’t take away the pain, but it sees you through. Know that you are not alone. Hebrews 13:5, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” And know there is peace in God that cannot be explained. John 16:33, “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace, In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

Be available to your neighbors. If you are hurting. Reach out to someone.

Dandelions Part 3

Are you a difference maker?

Here is the final part of my dandelion trilogy that all started when I saw a bouquet of dandelions laying on a principal’s desk. My point in this blog pertains to being a flower of influence. Did you know a single dandelion plant can produce up to 2,000 seeds? No wonder a yard can so quickly turn into a dandelion patch. Just think of all the new plants one bloom can produce. One plant can easily make a difference in a yard.

So, the question is, are you as influential as a dandelion? What are you doing to make a difference in the lives of others? I could go on and on naming people who influenced and made a difference in my life. Most recently during the loss of my husband and some hard times at work, it was the phone calls, invites to dinner and helping hands that carried me through.

I only pray I can be the blessing to others that people were to me. The image of those dandelions first of all were rather pitiful. However, I couldn’t help but smile and be encouraged every time I glanced their way. I was reminded of the power one kind act can create.

“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously” 2 Corinthians 9:6. Obviously a dandelion sows generously all on its own. However I have found it takes a conscious effort for me to sow generously into the lives of others. Taking care of myself can easily take precedent over the needs of others if I don’t pay attention. Every time I see a dandelion from now on I’m going to try and remind myself to do something for a friend.

Be a flower of influence – vow to make a difference.

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Thank you for your response. ✨

Dandelions Part 2

While often see ourselves as weeds, God created us as flowers and we need to view ourselves the way God views us.

Again, are dandelions a nuisance weed that needs to be eliminated or a delicacy that is intensely desired? You could argue both sides. Dandelions are such a universal weed problem that Round-Up uses them for commercials and even for part of the logo on their bottles of weed-killer. However, when my sister and her family were stationed in Italy, dandelions were a sought after as desired delicacy. They are actually edible from the root to the blossoms. Most often they are served with a fine meal as a green, but dandelions are also common as a tea or a jelly. You can even buy dandelion root as an herbal supplement for arthritis, diabetes or menopause. Who knew?

That is my entire point. This next part of this post is very personal and hits close to home. When you look in the mirror, what do you notice? I immediately notice flaws: my forehead is too big, I have squinty eyes, those wrinkles are getting deeper by the day and this double chin is becoming more prominent all the time. These flaws are just from the neck up. Let’s not even talk about what goes through my mind when I look in a full-length mirror. I can honestly say I never look in the mirror and think, “my what nice teeth I have.” or “those green eyes are really something that makes me unique.” I have to admit to write this, I had to go look in the mirror for some time just to come up with those two thoughts. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t look in the mirror and think, “what an ugly mug.” but I do look in the mirror and criticize what I see. I am 100% guilty of viewing myself as a weed and not looking at myself as the beautiful flower God created.

Psalm 139:13-18 “For you created my inmost being: you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to me. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.”

Not only does this scripture tell us we are physically made in a wonderful or beautiful way, but we are also made for a purpose. God created us just the way we are big foreheads and all and we are beautiful in his site. However, there is much more to us than our physical looks. God created us for a purpose. Here again, I go about life picking on my inner qualities just like I would crawl around in the yard plucking weeds. I forget to step back and look at all of the beautiful grass.

This passage in Psalms tells us our days or our purpose is written for us and we are created for this purpose. I’m thinking about my 16th birthday. For my newly acquired driver’s license, my dad being the practical kind of guy he was, gave me tools for my car such as jumper cables. I was not excited about these gifts. I might have even been critical of them. However, the first time I was stranded with a car that wouldn’t start (we didn’t have mobile phones), I was thrilled to have the jumper cables and the knowledge on how to use them. To say they were beautiful to me at that time would not be far fetched. The same is true with the gifts God has created in us. We may not currently see the value in them, but God put them there for a reason.

I so often forget this. Instead of telling myself I may be in over my head or why do I think I can do this, there are so many other people out there better than me….. I have to stop those thoughts and remind myself that God has crated me for this purpose and equipped me with everything I need for the task. This could have never been more true than just a few weeks ago. I had a friend call me for some advice. I was very fearful to give my opinion because I felt unqualified. However, once I started talking, God gave me the words, words I would have never thought of on my own, and provide comfort and advice for a sister in Christ who was hurting.

You are not a weed. You are a beautiful flower created by God and prepared for the purpose he has for you. I hope you can learn to see the beauty in yourself that God and others see.

Send this blog to a friend who you find beautiful.

Dandelions

Weed or Flower?

Part One: dandelion

I started writing this and it just kept getting longer and longer, so I’m going to divide it up into three parts.

I got my love for a beautiful yard from my dad and Grandma Campbell. My dad took yard work to a whole new level. In the summers when my sister and I were old enough to stay home by ourselves, we had a chore list every morning that had to be completed before we could go down the street and play. It was very common for this list to include picking a sack full of weeds. Thus began my disdain for dandelions. To this day, if I see a dandelion blooming in my yard, I quickly pluck the bloom or seed plume off to make sure I don’t end up with 100s more.

It was just this week when I was visiting a principal that I noticed a bundle of dandelions wrapped in a damp paper towel lying on her desk. They were clearly a gift from a student. It is obvious this kind-hearted student does not view dandelions the same way I do. It is all a matter of perspective or personal point of view. As I drove back to the office, I had three different thoughts concerning dandelions.

Thought number one, how do you view those around you? Do you look at the people in your life and see flowers or weeds? It is so easy to quickly see others as weeds. I once worked with a lady, aka Sally, that talked all of the time. I would catch myself stewing over how much talking she was doing and wondering how she ever got any work done. I felt that way until we did a stakeholder survey. The comments on the survey over and over again mentioned how friendly and welcoming our office was. Why? because Sally talked to everyone that came through the door and made them feel comfortable. This same action that was driving me crazy, was really what made our office a welcoming place. It was all how I chose to view it – weed or flower.

What about you? How do you view that co-worker who gets on your very last nerve, takes credit for everything, does nothing, or gossips and keeps drama stirred up all the time. Maybe there is a flower there that is perceived as a weed.

Even more importantly, what about your family? As a semi-perfectionist, I often only see what is wrong. I will notice (even obsess over) the shoes that are left out before I give any thought to the kind words that were spoken that morning.

Luke 7:36 begins with a sinful woman hearing that Jesus is having dinner with a Pharisee. She goes to the house and begins to wash Jesus’ feet with her tears and then anoints His feet with oil. The Pharisee immediately saw this woman as a weed. She was a sinner, she had wasted an expensive oil. While there are multiple points to this story such as forgiveness. The point I want to make is Jesus looked past the “weediness” of the woman and saw her as a flower. I will admit I often take the path of the Pharisee and get preoccupied with the faults of others. It takes a conscious effort to look for the flower in everyone.

What you see or think is what you will get. Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it.” If you think of those in your life as weeds, you will treat them as weed. It is what you are putting in your heart. Your family and friends deserve better. We need to be like the child who picked dandelions for her principal. We need to look for the flower in those around us.