Relationships – View From My Shoes

Keeping the Joy

joy How is it that what used to bring us joy and pleasure can over time be taken for granted or even more strangely turn in to an annoyance that grates on our last nerve?

It is in God’s presence we find joy. It is when we have a relationship with Christ and spend time with him we find Joy. “In Your presence is fullness of joy.” Psalms 6:11. If this is true, why then do we not just walk around happy all of the time? First, happiness and joy are not the same thing. Joy is much deeper and can even be present during the dark times in our lives. If joy is missing in your life, you must first ask where your treasure is. “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:19.

Let me give you a personal example. Scott loves to do impersonations and different voices. He really is good at it. When we were dating, this was a part of our time together that would make me smile and chuckle. It was a side of Scott I treasured. However, just the other day I was working in the kitchen and trying to concentrate. Scott had been helping me, but he stepped into the living area to turn on the Thunder game. As he was doing so, he started in with an impersonation of the announcer introducing the Thunder starters. I caught myself physically rolling my eyes and taking a deep breath. Why? I wasn’t appreciating the things in life that could bring me joy and was actually letting this same action get on my nerves. My treasure was shifting and could shift into the danger zone if I didn’t stop it.

Checking where your treasure is can be as simple as a check of your body language. How do you respond to those around you, those that you love the most? Does a smile come across your face when you hear the garage door open, when the phone rings and that familiar number scrolls across the screen, or when your spouse cracks that joke that you have heard hundreds of times? If not, you need to change the language your body is speaking. That language will become a steady voice that you don’t want in your life.

It is also in your power to treasure your relationship for Christ. He is always there investing in you. How much are you contributing the relationship? It does take two. Again, check your body language. How do you react when you hear a scripture quoted? How do you react when it is time for devotions? Do you roll your eyes as you would with a tired joke, do you plop down with your bible like you are being served canned spinach, or do you treasure the opportunity to draw closer to the author of those words?

God desires for our lives to be joyful. Joy is a natural fruit that is produced as a person lives in the Spirit. Check your body language and make sure you are feeding your soul what it needs to grow and produce joy.

Running on Empty

empty I don’t know why it is, but stopping to get gas seems like such a waste of time. It is a task I put off to the very last minute. Partly because I have places to go, and partly because I want to get the most out of my fill-up by trying to create as much time as possible between stops. I have literally coasted into the filling station a few times. Once I I was concentrating so hard on just getting to the pump, I forgot to think about what side my tank was on. After I shut the engine off, I couldn’t get it to start again. I had to get some help to push my car to the other side of the pump.

In my job, summer is the time for planning, getting ready to implement new ideas or just reflecting. I have been able to spend some valuable and rewarding time lately visiting with others about goals and strategies. This is one of the favorite parts of my job. It has reaffirmed the importance of investing in others. We have the power with our words and actions to refuel those around us. It is like filling up your car. It really doesn’t take that long, but we have to make a point to do it.

There have been many days that an encouraging word is what got me through the day. I could write a whole book telling stories of times others have invested in my life. The experienced mom that encouraged me when my children were young. The principal that was willing to trust and nudge a beginning teacher into leadership roles. Probably the most influential person that energized my life was my 6th grade teacher. She greeted me so kindly every day, often complimenting me or calling me “Smiley.” Her words fueled in me a confidence that wasn’t there previously. Of course most often it was just the unexpected kind word or compliment that changes my day. I’m sure you can immediately recall a time when someone said something to you that made you feel better about yourself.

In 1 Thessalonians 5, Paul speaks of how hard it is to be a believer, but the necessity of salvation and living for the Lord. He closes this section of his letter by saying, “Therefore comfort each other and edify one another,” I see this as Paul telling us we are all in this together, and we need to help each other out to get to the finish line. Just as my car needs fuel to get me to my destination, we need encouragement to live our life to the fullest. We cannot serve the Lord and live victorious without the encouragement of others.

The problem is, you may be at a place in life where your tank is running on empty. you are lacking a Christian friend or family member that is willing to invest in your life. You may feel all alone or like a failure. Because you can’t run on empty forever or you will end up stranded along side the road, I have two pieces of advice. One, begin to fill up and invest in others. This action will inturn energize you. Proverbs 11:17 tells us, “A kind man benefits himself.” Two, turn to the Word. Let this be your fuel source. Our heavenly Father can affirm your worth and purpose. “God is our refuge and strength,” Psalms 46:1.

I guess the real question is, “Are you willing to encourage and edify others?” Just as we have to take the time to stop and refuel our cars, we need to take the time to encourage, send notes, or just speak kindly to others.

Playing by the Rules

One of our favorite family pastimes is to play cards. I have so many memories as a child playing cards with my family. My dad was quite the card player. He could tell you any card that had been picked up and was certain to let you know if you weren’t paying attention and played into someone’s hand. We had the most laughs at the expense of my sister. She would pick up any face card whether it went with her hand or not. She just couldn’t let one pass by.

As a child, intense conversations focused around not paying attention or not playing smart, however, as a mother, my family found different points to argue. It usually centered around who was cheating. For some reason, my kids believed if you were winning, you had to be cheating. I will say with 98% honesty that I never cheated. Now, if you were not aware enough to hold your cards where they couldn’t be seen, that was your own fault and fair game. Other than that, I always played by the rules.

Playing by the rules is something I have done all of my life. I don’t know if I am just afraid to break the rules or if following rules provides order to my life, but I am a rule follower through and through. I even make up rules to follow such donuts are only allowed on Friday.

The problem is, I somehow began to put my trust in following the rules instead of in God’s grace. I think I got confused along the way and really believed if I followed all of the rules, nothing bad would happen or if I followed all of the rules, I would find favor with God. For the most part, the rules were biblical rules, but some were institutional rules. No matter, I followed them – all of them. Now don’t get me wrong, following the rules set forth in the Bible is the way to go. John 14:15, “If you love me, keep my commands.” I would do it all over again. In his letter to the Thessalonians, Paul writes, “As for other matters, brothers and sisters, we instructed you how to live in order to please God,” However, following the rules did not protect me from life.

I was extremely fortunate to live in the perfect “Polly Anna” world most of my life. Then my kids became teenagers and what do you know, they weren’t perfect. I began to ask questions and doubt my actions. How could this happen? We went to church every time the doors were open. We had family devotions every morning…. What rule had I missed that would cause this imperfection? After that, the unexplainable happened and cancer hit our family head on. I first wanted to ask why? or how? I had done my part, I had followed the rules. What I was soon to learn, was following the rules couldn’t protect me, but there was a God that could. Maybe you have been treated unfairly at work, been hurt by a spouse, or faced financial hardships. God might not keep any number of painful events from happening, but he would walk beside you all of the way. Psalm 55:22, “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you.”

I had to learn it was really about my relationship with Him. It was about His love for me. It wasn’t about how many rules I had kept or broken.

Now, don’t get me wrong, there are blessings and rewards for those that keep God’s commands. I James 20:25 confirms that if you are a doer of the word (follow the rules) you will be blessed in what you do. The problem is we can’t follow the rules just to receive blessings or just to be protected from the ugly part of life. We follow the rules because of our relationship with God and because of how much we love Him.

Maybe I should make up a rule about following rules. All I know is that we can never do enough to earn what God freely gives us.