life – Page 3 – View From My Shoes

What can you tell me about your God?

When you spend time with someone, you get to know them and can tell stories about what they have done.

Let me start with a story about how predictable someone can be, or should be, when you really know them. This was Scott’s birthday weekend and after volunteering all day at LoveOKC, I thought I would take him to the perfect place for dinner. It was Heard on file-15 Hurd in Edmond which is something we have enjoyed in the past. There are about 30 food trucks with greasy unhealthy food and a couple of live bands. This is right up Scott’s alley and the perfect way to end a birthday. What I forgot to take into account was the fact that we were starving from working all day and now Scott was not only faced with making a menu selection, but first he had to choose a food truck. If you know Scott, these food choices do not come easily. See, I should know this. I sit with him in the drive-through line as he mulls over the Wendy’s menu, the one that hasn’t changed in years, for what seems like an eternity as the kind worker awaits his decision. Sometimes they even come back on the speaker to make sure we are still there.

Back to Heard on Hurd, normally, we could take our time, check out all of the trucks and menu options, but we were famished. Time was at an essential point. After the second trip past all of the food trucks, I could tell we were in trouble. Luckily we found a factor that could limit our choices – the line length. We got in line at the truck that had the shortest line, yet enough of a line for Scott to choose between the five items on the menu before we got to the window. Problem solved and the food was great. The thought that Scott puts into every decision is something I love about him. See this also transitions to the thought he puts into buying me gifts and doing things for me around the house. Again, how do I know this? I know this because I see it in action during the time we spend together.

I am currently reading a study on the Lord’s prayer. It has reminded me of the importance of a relationship with Christ in order to effectively pray. We know the steps to the prayer Jesus modeled for us. It begins with worship and praise before moving into submission and petition. What has hit home the most to me is how do we worship or praise someone we don’t know or don’t have a relationship with? In the classroom, I was once given a list of kind comments to use for praising students. It was a great list, but I found if I really knew my students, I knew how to praise them with words that meant the most to them. I feel this has to be the same when we praise our Lord. If we really know Him, we can praise Him by reminding Him of what He has done for us, we can praise Him by calling out what difference He makes in our lives, or we can praise Him by telling Him just how much He really means to us.

Psalm 105 is a psalm of praise and gives us an outline for how to praise our Father. I’m going to put it in bullet points.

Give thanks
Call on His name
Tell others what He has done
Quote scripture to Him
Tell of His wondrous works
Seek the Lord
Seek the Lord and His strength
Seek His face evermore
Remember His works

Notice that seeking Him is repeated three times. That tells me how important it is to seek out a relationship with our Father in order to better praise him. In closing, I want to put a personal touch on the points in Psalm 105.

Thank you for always being there when I call out to You
You are my Jehovah-Shalom – God of Peace
You have provided for my needs in times when I didn’t think there was any way it would happen
You promised me in Matt 5:4 that “Blessed our those that mourn because they will be comforted.”
When I have trusted You with a decision, You have never let me down
I remember when you have even helped me with the smallest of problems such as finding my keys.

Take the time to praise our Lord in this way. See how many ways you can fill in the bullet points.

Get to know Him so closely that you can praise Him over and over again.

Are You Spiritually Stocked Up?

When moving I lost focus and didn’t keep our storehouse full. The problem is, I tend to do the same spiritually. I put our physical needs before our spiritual needs.

I didn’t realize how long it had been since I added to my blog. Let me explain in two simple words. We moved. It took a month to get everything packed up and now another month to get everything in it’s place here at our new home. We are finally to the point where we can take time to enjoy our new place and do something besides work. Now, I’m not immune to hard work. I’ve hauled hay, built fence, put in retaining walls… but those jobs are hard for one or two days and then finished. Moving is like the chore that never ends.

After about 4 days in the new house, we had all the boxes emptied and the surface was starting to look normal. As it approached supper time, I opened the fridge and quickly realized any sense of normalcy was surface only. We had worked to eat down as much food as we could before we moved, and then during the move we had been eating out for over a week. It was time for that to stop, but all we had to work with was a gallon of milk I had grabbed at Walgreens and the few items that did not get purged when packing the fridge where I threw away all expired food. Unfortunately, the pantry looked the same. It was time to make a major grocery run. refridgerator

The thing is, I had done the same with my spiritual storehouse. During the move not only had I neglected to purchase any food, I had been neglecting my time in the Word as well. I don’t get it. Scott is so faithful. Rain or shine, work or play, he gets up and spends time listening to the word and time in prayer. Yet, I am so easily distracted. I can always find something that needs to be done when I get ready to sit down with my Bible.

In John 6, we first read of Jesus feeding the 5,000. That is a story we all know from our childhood, but let’s take a look at what happened the next day. When morning came, the people began to look for Jesus. They were of course confused because the only boat missing was the boat the disciples used to leave in for Capernaum. They didn’t realize Jesus didn’t need a boat because he walked across the sea. Anyway the crowd took off in boats “seeking Jesus.” When they found him, they even asked how he got there. Jesus quickly changed the subject and took this opportunity to teach the crowd. He scolded them for following Him only for the physical bread he had provided, and offered they should follow him for the everlasting life He offers instead.

I am guilty. I often put our physical needs and comforts in front of my spiritual needs. I seek to keep the house picked up more than I seek to spend time investing in my relationship with my Heavenly Father. Any book you read on relationships will emphasis the importance of spending time together.

I often tease my sister, mother of 4, that if the world is coming to an end, I want to bunker down at her house because she always has enough food on hand to feed an army. I can remember when Jace was in high school. I had to always be prepared to fix a meal for whatever group of friends showed up. I had to keep the fridge and pantry stocked.

Shouldn’t we be the same spiritually? We never know what life event might happen that will require a us to tap into our spiritual warehouse. The question is, will yours be full or empty?

Coming next week – Running on empty

Playing by the Rules

One of our favorite family pastimes is to play cards. I have so many memories as a child playing cards with my family. My dad was quite the card player. He could tell you any card that had been picked up and was certain to let you know if you weren’t paying attention and played into someone’s hand. We had the most laughs at the expense of my sister. She would pick up any face card whether it went with her hand or not. She just couldn’t let one pass by.

As a child, intense conversations focused around not paying attention or not playing smart, however, as a mother, my family found different points to argue. It usually centered around who was cheating. For some reason, my kids believed if you were winning, you had to be cheating. I will say with 98% honesty that I never cheated. Now, if you were not aware enough to hold your cards where they couldn’t be seen, that was your own fault and fair game. Other than that, I always played by the rules.

Playing by the rules is something I have done all of my life. I don’t know if I am just afraid to break the rules or if following rules provides order to my life, but I am a rule follower through and through. I even make up rules to follow such donuts are only allowed on Friday.

The problem is, I somehow began to put my trust in following the rules instead of in God’s grace. I think I got confused along the way and really believed if I followed all of the rules, nothing bad would happen or if I followed all of the rules, I would find favor with God. For the most part, the rules were biblical rules, but some were institutional rules. No matter, I followed them – all of them. Now don’t get me wrong, following the rules set forth in the Bible is the way to go. John 14:15, “If you love me, keep my commands.” I would do it all over again. In his letter to the Thessalonians, Paul writes, “As for other matters, brothers and sisters, we instructed you how to live in order to please God,” However, following the rules did not protect me from life.

I was extremely fortunate to live in the perfect “Polly Anna” world most of my life. Then my kids became teenagers and what do you know, they weren’t perfect. I began to ask questions and doubt my actions. How could this happen? We went to church every time the doors were open. We had family devotions every morning…. What rule had I missed that would cause this imperfection? After that, the unexplainable happened and cancer hit our family head on. I first wanted to ask why? or how? I had done my part, I had followed the rules. What I was soon to learn, was following the rules couldn’t protect me, but there was a God that could. Maybe you have been treated unfairly at work, been hurt by a spouse, or faced financial hardships. God might not keep any number of painful events from happening, but he would walk beside you all of the way. Psalm 55:22, “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you.”

I had to learn it was really about my relationship with Him. It was about His love for me. It wasn’t about how many rules I had kept or broken.

Now, don’t get me wrong, there are blessings and rewards for those that keep God’s commands. I James 20:25 confirms that if you are a doer of the word (follow the rules) you will be blessed in what you do. The problem is we can’t follow the rules just to receive blessings or just to be protected from the ugly part of life. We follow the rules because of our relationship with God and because of how much we love Him.

Maybe I should make up a rule about following rules. All I know is that we can never do enough to earn what God freely gives us.

I Could Have Killed Him

In my effort to win the “Wife of the Year” award, I try really hard to fix supper on the nights I’m home and to pack a lunch for Scott and I Monday thru Thursday. Last Tuesday, I roasted a chicken in the Instant Pot for dinner and then for our lunches, I took the chicken we didn’t eat to make chicken salad sandwiches. I have done this successfully in the past. I simply put the leftover pieces of chicken in the Ninja, grind them up, add some pecans, grapes and dressing – voila, chicken salad. I’m telling you, the sandwiches looked devine as I packed them in our lunch bags for the next day. However looks can be deceiving.

When it came time to eat my sandwich the next day, about two bites in I came across what I thought was a pecan shell. No problem. While this is hard to describe without sounding gross, I separated the shell from my food and discarded it into my napkin so I could continue eating. It was in the very next bite, I came across what I thought was piece of shell number two. This time after I placed the piece in my napkin, I took a little peek at it. sorry for the grossness, but true story. I was a little bewildered, because the piece didn’t really look like a pecan shell. However as an obviously slow learner, I kept eating my sandwich. I was two more bites in, when it happened again. This time I had to thoroughly investigate. It was clear what had happened. I had ground up a chicken bone while making the chicken salad. I threw my sandwich away and quickly called Scott to warn him. I was too late. He had already eaten his sandwich even though he had actually discovered a small bone piece similar in size to a broken off toothpick. If you know Scott, it won’t surprise you that he ate the sandwich despite finding a bone in it.

All I could think about was how many times have I heard, “Never feed your dogs chicken bones because they splinter and will puncture the dog’s intestines.” I quickly googled what happens if you eat a chicken bone. The articles that popped up were centered around a dog eating a chicken bone. I learned the signs I should be watching for included:

Vomiting or retching
Drooling or panting
Restlessness and looking uncomfortable
Tiredness, reluctance to move
Refusing to eat
Stretching repeatedly or moving oddly
Whining, crying when his tummy is touched
Bleeding from his bottom, diarrhea, or straining to empty his bowels
Other behavior that you don’t normally see in your dog (such are growling) and that might indicate pain or discomfort

I didn’t know how many of those symptoms I might see in Scott so I continued my research based more specifically around humans, I learned that in a few unlucky patients, swallowing a chicken bone causes serious problems. About 10-20% would need to undergo foreign body extraction through endoscopy. Furthermore, about 1% of patients end up in the operating room to undergo major surgery for serious complications. These include intestinal perforation, bowel obstruction, internal bleeding (hemorrhage), abdominal infection (peritonitis), and abscess formation (pus collection). These complications often develop a few days after ingestion of the chicken bone. All we could do now was wait….

Obviously, all is well, no surgery required although my “wife of the year” status is in great jeopardy. While we laugh about it now, there were a few minutes where the worry trait that I inherited from my mom and grandma came rushing over me full force. If I told you some of the what if’s that went through my mind, you would be convinced I was partially crazy. I must admit this worry factor can be a real problem. I notice it more and more the older I get. Just last week (after we survived the chicken bones), I was in Mobile holding my beautiful, 4 month old grandbaby. I caught myself at one point looking at her and becoming preoccupied with worry. I thought of everything that could happen to her from the flu to cancer. I had to literally push those thoughts from my mind.

The number of scriptures that tell us not to worry are more numerous than I can list here, but there are a few worth mentioning. Matthew 6 and Luke 12 both record Jesus speaking to His disciples about worry. These passages include such phrases as:

Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink nor about your body what you will put on
The heavenly Father knows what you need, so seek first the kingdom of God
Do not worry about tomorrow
Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature
Do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink nor have an anxious mind

It is also in these passages where Jesus references the birds of the air and the lilies of the valley compared to us as an example of how He takes care of them and accordingly He will so much more take care of us.

There is also:

Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

1 Peter 5:7, “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”

Psalm 55:22, “Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you.”

All of these scriptures based on worry and anxiety tells me two things. One, I’m not alone. Jesus knew this was a real problem for many or He wouldn’t have put it in the Bible so many times. Two, there are too many wonderful experiences in life to waste any time at all in worry and fear. Not that this comes naturally or easily, but I’m committed to keeping my mind worry free. Now this doesn’t mean if I ever think I have done something to put our lives in jeopardy again I won’t Google what to do or what to look for, but I won’t let the worry consume my day.

God’s Love Language

time Last week there was the rare event where Scott and I had a quiet night at home. As we were sitting in the living room watching some basketball game, I began quizzing Scott with questions from a FB quiz. After finding out what annoys him most and what makes him proud, we began talking about our “love languages.” This is a conversation we had several times when dating and many times with our children as they were going through their marriage counseling. Our Love Languages are almost in direct conflict with each other. Scott enjoys quality time together while I enjoy acts of service. In other words, I want us to be doing something (working on my “to do” list) and Scott likes to just sit and visit. Scott is great about helping me and doing things for me. I’m still working on sitting still and just spending time together.

Anyway, as we were having this conversation, I began to think about what Love Language God desires. I have come to the conclusion that God, like Scott, desires quality time together with us. For those not familiar with the 5 Love Languages. A person that desires quality time together enjoys one-on-one time and uninterrupted conversations. I think it is clear God seeks our undivided attention. “But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him.” John 4:23. God wants us to worship him and worship takes undivided time. You cannot truly worship someone while you are on your phone or watching TV. I am convinced one of the best ways to spend time with God, is to spend time in His word. This is how we are changed and how we become more like Him, and how he reveals Himself to us. Communication is two way, and God gave us His word to communicate with us for all of our needs. “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.” 2 Timothy 3:16-17.

As I was thinking about God’s love language and the importance of communicating in the appropriate love language with those we want to please, I must admit, I was a little convicted. For example, the book I am currently using for my nightly devotions starts with 3-4 scripture references and then a page of reading that corresponds with those scriptures. Not a lot of time commitment involved to start with, but I often look at the 4 scripture references, choose the shortest and only read that one before reading the one page devotion that goes with it. What message does that communicate about my willingness to spend quality time with my Savior? That would be like Scott looking at my “to do” list, picking the task that would be the quickest or easiest and only doing that chore to help me out. While I’m sure I would appreciate any help, it sends the message I want to do as little as possible to please you. Can you imagine the response I would get from Scott, if I told him, “I want to spend quality time with you, but I don’t have time to talk about everything you want to talk about so pick one topic. That is all I can give you tonight.” I’m afraid Scott’s response would not be “Oh, thank you so much for the one topic.”

In Revelation 3:20, Jesus in his own words states, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.” This is such a strong image of a person that desires quality time with another. I can remember when my kids were little and all I needed was just a few minutes of alone time in the bathroom. However, more often than not, one of them would stand outside the door and knock the entire time I was in the bathroom. Just as a small child seeks to be close to his/her mother, Jesus seeks to have time with us. The question is how do we respond.

Save Me from Myself

Sometimes I just need to stop and think.

phone Last Tuesday was just one of those days. It started out in typical fashion. I was headed to work, thinking through my day when I noticed the display panel on my car read “no phone connected.” At the same time, I saw the perfect place to turn around. With breaks squealing, I whirled my car around and headed back home. I called Scott on my watch and began telling him all the places to start looking for my phone. The whole time I was giving him directions, I distinctly remembered putting my phone in my purse before I left. As Scott looked in all my usual phone forgetting spots, I then and only then thought to look in my purse. I was almost back to the house by now when what do you know? I had my phone with me the whole time. If I would have only stopped to think before I reacted and whipped my car around, I could have saved myself 15-20 minutes that morning.

While my day was uneventful, I had one task to accomplish Tuesday night. Print our Letter Christmas letters and stuff them in the envelopes. There is a little more involved than it sounds. You have to adjust the print to match the outline of the stationery. As I thought I had everything lined up perfectly, I noticed one line began with “I went to Denver.” I couldn’t imagine why I would have typed such a statement. I did’t go to Denver by myself. I quickly, without thinking or reading the statement in context, changed the I to We and printed 87 copies of our Christmas letter. As I was stuffing envelopes, Scott picked up the letter and began reading it. He got a puzzled look on his face and read out loud. “Scott and we went to Denver???” See, the words Scott and were on the line above and I didn’t notice them. The sentence originally read Scott and I went to Denver, but I changed the I to we. I now faced the decision of whether to send out the letter with the terribly ugly mistake or head off to Hobby Lobby. Well, we ended up going to three Hobby Lobby’s that night to find enough of the right stationery that matched the cards. Again, if I would have taken only a brief second to read the entire sentence before I hastily made the change, I could have saved myself a couple of hours of grief.

I just want to say for the record there are an equal number of times when I amaze myself with really wise decisions. These times I give credit to God, but it is proof I am not a complete idiot 100% of the time. However, when those embarrassing decisions are made, I just want to scream because the mistake could have so easily been prevented if I would have just stopped for 2-3 seconds to think. Now the examples I have written about tonight have been with little consequences, but this isn’t always the case. If we don’t stop and think, pray or seek Godly counsel, we can easily do the same thing with bigger, life changing decisions.

Take Esau for example, he was convinced he was going to starve so what was it going to hurt if he gave away his birthright. Do you think he really thought that decision through? Sometimes we are so blinded by our problem, we can’t think clearly. We let the problem be so big, we don’t look for the best solution. We just look for the quickest solution. In Genesis 12 Abram was fleeing a famine. As they entered Egypt, he became concerned that he would be killed because his wife Sarai was so beautiful. With the fear of death staring him in the face, he makes a horrible decision. He asks Sarai to lie and say she is his sister. You know the rest of the story. Since Pharaoh thinks she is single, he takes her into his house. Really, you are going to ask your wife to lie so you won’t be killed. Again, fear was guiding the decision. Not trust or faith.

I was so mad when I thought I left my phone at home, I just whipped my car around and headed back. Esau was so hungry, he wasn’t thinking past getting the immediate need of hunger met. Abram was so scared, he put both of their lives in danger. All of these situations had other options. I just needed to look in my purse. Esau could have fixed his own meal. Abram forgot honesty is always the best policy.

At this time of year, There are plenty of problems and fears to go around. It could be the desire to buy that perfect Christmas gift that causes us to spend more than we have or the length of the Holiday to do list that influences us to skip our devotion or take short-cuts at work. Maybe you have desired to be accepted by others to the point that you sacrificed your principles or just as Abram in the face of fear, dishonesty seemed much easier than the truth.

I pray each day that not only will I represent Christ in everything I do, but that I will make wise decisions that keep me in His will. I need Jesus to save me from myself because my decisions are dangerous.

What I’ve Learned this Week

apple The last two weeks have been a little crazy in my head. There have been times I wondered who was living up there because it couldn’t be me. I’m normally very rational and level headed. Strangely the week started out with a full out fit of self-pity. As I prayed one night, I literally made out a list of all the favors, sacrifices and jobs I was doing for others and asked God when someone was going to do something for me. Now, as I type this, it seems utterly ridiculous. But at that time, that night, it was real. I was spent and emotionally exhausted. First, I want to say, I am so thankful for a loving Lord who doesn’t mock the nonsense of such complaints, but instead wraps his arms around me and provides comfort.

Fortunately the uncharacteristic pity-party was short-lived and I was back to normal until I attend a funeral for an 83 year old woman whom I had never met. As I listened to this lovely lady’s family talk about her love for family and others I began to feel so unworthy as a mother and a friend. Then one of the granddaughters read from Roman 12:9-12 NLT to describe her grandmother’s love. “Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.” As I thought on these words, “don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them,” I became overwhelmed with the notion that I loved others out of duty not out of real love. I loved or served others because it was what I was supposed to do, not out of a pure heart that was loving others with a Christ-like love. I mean wasn’t it just the week before that I was complaining about all I had to do for my family and friends?

Again, thanks to a loving Lord that helps me through my crazy times. I went home and started reading scriptures on love trying to figure out the difference between real love or pure love as opposed to love that is out of obligation or duty. I was convinced everything I did for others was just because I was expected to do it or someone might be disappointed in me if I didn’t. At first every scripture just confirmed that. I read scripture after scripture about how great God’s love is and how we are to love others with this same type of love. Eph. 5:1,2; John 15:9-13; Romans 8:32; John 13: 34 & 35 all made the guilt even heavier. There was no way I loved with the loved described in these scriptures.

Then two things happened. One, I came across Galatians 5:22, ” But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” which reminded me that you can always tell the motive or what is feeding the vine by the fruit. As I was thinking on these words and beginning to realize there was real fruit in my life and not the fake fruit like my grandma always kept in the bowl on her kitchen table, the second event happened. I stumbled upon John 15 again and read through the whole pruning process and how if we abide in Christ, we will bear fruit. Then in John 15:11 the words of Christ hit me “that your joy may be full.” You know what? Every kind act of love or service that was on the list I made two weeks ago brought me great joy. Every single one. It was real love!!!

What can you take away from this or what is my point? One, I’m so thankful for a God that sees me through my crazy times. I’m usually very level headed and in touch with reality. However, at those times when my thoughts are out of control and creating chaos in my head, my heavenly father doesn’t chastise me or reprimand me. Instead, He lovingly helps me find solid ground again. Two. I have to stay rooted in Christ and feed on his word so that I can produce real fruit. In other words so I can love with the love describe in Romans. A real love with genuine affection. I can’t do this on my own. The fruit is a product of the vine. Three, I am full of joy because of all I get to do for others. Serving others is really what I enjoy doing the most.

Whew, Now that is Mercy

And how do I show thanks?

ticket It is the worst feeling ever. You are driving along, minding your own business, solving all the problems of the world, when all of a sudden you pass the deviously hidden black & white car. It is too late to slam on the brakes, you have already flown passed it. I always just try to play it cool as I watch in the mirror to see if the officer is going to pull out and follow me or let me continue on my journey. On this particular day, I was taking a different route home from work because I had been to a meeting in a nearby school district. I was fresh off the highway and didn’t realize how quickly the speed limit had decreased until I saw the lights flipping on as I passed by. There wasn’t even time to wonder if I was going to get to keep on driving. Now the question was what the damage was going to be. It is a whole new level of dread. I usually just take the approach of saying as little as possible and admitting my guilt with full apologizes as I await the news of ticket or warning. Today for some reason, I just started in with the excuses mixed in with apologizes: I don’t usually drive this road, I didn’t realize the speed limit had changed, I’m so sorry for not paying attention. After about a five minute chat that digressed from the number of children that lived close by to the fact I needed to go to Wal-Mart to get groceries for supper, I finally received the much anticipated news that I would only receive a warning.

I so deserved a ticket. I was going 63 in a 45. I have no idea why he decided to only give me a warning, but it was the most amazing feeling ever. As he went back to his car to write my warning, I was celebrating by sending pictures to Scott and the kids. The thing is, God shows us mercy on a daily basis and I’m sure I don’t celebrate in the same manner. I’m not talking about the ultimate grace and mercy God showed by sending His son and providing the perfect sacrifice for our sins thus creating forgiveness when we in no way deserved it. I’m talking about the mercy and grace God provides in our lives on a daily basis. How often do I stop and give God the credit for the gifts he gives.

First, just to be clear, there is a difference between mercy and grace. I catch myself using them synonymously. The officer extended mercy to me by not giving me the ticket I deserved. Grace on the other hand is when we receive kindness or a blessing that isn’t earned or deserved. Thinking about the grace and mercy experienced every day, I don’t necessarily know what an appropriate consequence would be for every action I make that isn’t the most pleasing to God, but even if there was an immediate response such as a small electronic buzz every time I had an ugly thought, said something ungodly, the little buzzer would be quite busy. Fortunately God doesn’t punish us in that manner. He loves us. Ephesians 2:4 & 5 “But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive and together with Christ.” The same is true with grace. The Lord has blessed me with so much more than I deserve, but do I take time to celebrate or even just whisper a prayer of thanks.

I was trying to think of some recent times I could clearly see God’s grace or mercy in my life. I thought of the time I was displaying a little road rage and by all means should have been ran into the barricade. I still don’t know how my car fit between the truck and the cement edge. Oh wait, maybe it was God’s mercy. I deserved to get ran off the road for thinking I could take on a battle with a semi and win. I thought of the time when I was having a bad day last week. I felt like I was being attacked for only trying to help then out of the clear blue, I received a card from a friend thanking me for something I had done that really seemed small to me, but had meant something to them. Tell me that isn’t the grace of God. It made the other matter seem insignificant.

It was probably three weeks ago there was a wreck on the interstate so I was taking the back roads to bypass the traffic. This detour took me past some apartments with boarded up windows, cars without all four tires, and many other signs of undesirable conditions. As I passed through this area of town, there was just a small moment of judgement on my part before I was overwhelmed with conviction. My first thoughts centered around why would anyone live there? They should just close those apartments down and other very disparaging thoughts. Then quickly God brought to my attention how easily I could be living a life completely different, if not for His grace and mercy. I thought of the alcoholism both of my grandfathers suffered from during their lives and how I could just as easily suffer from the same addictive behaviors. There is an extreme difference in the four miles between where these apartments are located and where my house is located, however the only difference that keeps me from living in one place over the other is God’s grace and mercy.

So, today, as I celebrate not paying an enormous traffic ticket, I also want to take time to thank the Lord for loving me so much that He doesn’t make me pay for all of the stupid mistakes I make on a daily basis and loving me so much that he blesses me far beyond anything I deserve.

He has This Under Control

We never know what life is going to throw our way, but God has it under control.

How can it be such a typical day until a sudden change of events happens that completely catches you unprepared? This happened to me the other day. It was just an ordinary day at work. I came home expecting the routine of fixing supper, maybe going for a walk, watching tv and/or working on the computer for a while. However, as I was pulling in the driveway, I stopped to get the mail only to find a letter from the IRS. I never get mail from the IRS, so it was the first letter I opened. I had to look at it several times to make sure it was real. It was a bill for $174,893.00. Yes, I have the decimal point in the right place. I know, I had to look twice too. IRS

Strangely, I didn’t get upset about this surprise. This could be due to a number of reasons:

The absurdity of it. How can you owe more than you make? Evidently you can. But it just couldn’t be correct. There had to be some kind of mistake.
I’ve been through something similar before and after a couple days of prayer, it worked out. I will tell you that story next.
I’ve heard you can make payments to the IRS for the rest of your life if you have to and they can’t take your house or anything like that.

These thoughts literally went through my mind as I was reading the letter again and again. Oh, and Scott is going to flip out when he sees this. It is one thing to get a big bill that you are prepared for. For example in August I expect the water bill or the electric bill to be higher than normal and there is always this nervous anticipation as I open it. However, this was a complete shock.

Similarly in 2013 only months after Jeff had passed away, I was going to meet with our accountant to get my taxes figured by myself for the very fist time. As a matter of fact, I had to google where her office was because I had never done this before. I felt very confident that I had everything I needed and would get money back as usual. I still had the farm and although I’m sure I couldn’t find every receipt from Jeff’s wonderful filing system that consisted of sticking receipts in the glove box, in the basket by the door… I was confident I had the majority of expenses documented. As I was driving to her office, I was making plans for how I was going to spend my refund. I committed a certain amount to a bible project the church was working on, going to donate some to a charity that was important to our family and I was going to by myself a nice ring to wear where I had worn my wedding ring. That was going in.

Coming out, all I could do was thank the Lord that even though I owed an amount equivalent to a modest salary or equivalent to the purchase of a new car, I did have the money in an account to pay it. I remember praying all the way home and just thanking God that no mater that I owed, He had already provided for me to pay this bill. The money to pay the bill was in the same account that turned out to be the problem. When I called my financial adviser to get the money out, he couldn’t understand how I could owe taxes. He did some checking for me and found out that when Jeff’s retirement was rolled to a non-taxed account, the IRS form had been marked incorrectly and I was being taxed as if that money was income. Once I got the corrected form and sent it to my tax lady, guess what? I was getting a return. It is times like this that has proven to me over and over that God is faithful.

Back to my new tax experience. Because of the fact that so many times in my life God has been faithful, this one didn’t seem to rattle me. Now Scott’s reaction was a little different. At first he didn’t believe me. He thought I was saying it wrong. He had to take the paper from my hand and look at himself. I have no doubt in his mind he was wondering how he was going to cover my debt. He knows I don’t have that much in my savings account. He started asking me a thousand questions about 2015 that I couldn’t begin answer. He was already working on a payment plan in his head and I’m sure wondering what he got himself into. Remember we had just celebrated our 1 year anniversary the week this letter came in the mail. To put your mind at ease, the bill had something to do with the sale of the farm. The IRS did not realize it was my primary residence. It cost me $50 to refile my 2015 taxes and all should be well.

What I can tell you is no matter what you suddenly find yourself going through, the death of a family member in a car wreck, an unexpected diagnosis, a child that has decided to live a lifestyle in ways he/she was not raised, or a spouse that has decided he/she isn’t in love with you any more, God has it under control. Life isn’t always fun, but through time, He provides a light at the end of the tunnel.

You know, there are lots of places we can put our trust. We can put our trust in a savings account or we can put our trust in our jobs. I will say there was a time where I put my trust in the fact that I had “followed all the rules.” How could anything bad happen to me because I had lived my life according to all of the church rules. I have found there is only one place you can put your trust and that is in God. As a warrior going into battle, King David states in Psalms 20:7, “Some trust in chariots, and some in horses, But we will remember the name of the Lord our God.” King David knew where he had to put his trust during battle when his and his men’s lives were literally on the line. An extremely large tax bill does not equate to going into a physical battle during King David’s time, but where we put our trust is still the same. We need to put our trust in the only person capable of such responsibility.

Scars

You can’t make it through life without them.

scar I am fortunate to not have very many scars, but that also means I don’t have very many exciting stories to go with them.

Not long ago I was sitting with a friend on the edge of the pool. Both of us at sometime in our lives have broken a bone in our foot. Her story is much more exciting than mine. She was getting down from a life guard stand. I’m sure to save a life or something. I was simply walking across a parking lot and fell. Anyway, different circumstances, same injury and ironically, different scars. Truthfully, my scar, that you can barely see, actually came from the “old lady” bunion surgery I decided to have since I had to be in a boot for 6 weeks for the broken bone in my foot to heal. It was a matter of killing two birds with one stone.

The point I want to make is the same injury, the same surgery, the same life event results in a completely unique scar for each individual. Not only is this true for physical scars, but emotional scars follow the same pattern. Two people can go through the exact same event (divorce, death of a child, loss of a job, death of a spouse) and the event will result in completely different scars.

While I can by no means begin to explain how the body heals, I can tell you we are wonderfully designed by God to recreate cells and make new skin to heal wounds that would otherwise be life threatening. The same is true with our emotional scars.

There will be scars in life. No one is promised to live scar free. True, some have multiple scars that are deep, hurtful and life changing, while others of us have managed to live life with only a few scars. John 16:33 tells us, “In this world you will have trouble.” There is no way around problems or hurts in life. However, there is more to the story. It is the part before and after this statement in John 16:33 that is the most important. “…in Me you may have peace….. but take heart! I have overcome the world.” We will have hurts in this life and no one can tell us how to get through them because they are different for everyone. While we can learn from others, we cannot duplicate anyone else’s experience. We have to heal in our own way and yes healing usually involves a great big ugly scab. The beauty is in the new skin that is formed under the scab and only revealed in time.

During that time when the scab is big and ugly, itchy and wanting someone to pick at it, remember that “The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him.” Nahum 1:7. Although I don’t have countless scars, I have one or two that are pretty deep, and I can tell you with the utmost confidence, that the new skin under the surface of that scar is fresh and beautiful. Hang in there and be proud of the scars you have.