Grace – View From My Shoes

Voice of Lies

You can do whatever God has asked you to do. He is there to help you.

I don’t understand how the majority of the time I feel there isn’t anything I can’t do. As a matter of fact, I often get myself in trouble taking on jobs by myself when I really should ask for help. But, why would I ask for help? I can do it myself. I even catch myself refusing help because “I can do it.” Just this week I was moving the patio furniture out to power wash the porch. I was carrying four chairs stacked together. Scott saw me, and came over to help. Through gritted teeth, I refused the help replying, “I’ve got it.” Maybe it is stubbornness; maybe it is over confidence. No matter, 99% of the time, I think I can do anything that is placed in front of me.

The problem is 1% of the time this voice comes in my head and at the worst times. This voice tells me:

You are in over your head.
You are not smart enough to figure this out.
You are not qualified to handle this challenge.
Soon others are going to realize you are incompetent.
I am bad mom.
Scott would be better off with someone who gave him more attention.

The list goes on and on and is very convincing. It is a voice of lies!

I know I’m not alone. This voice of lies speaks to all of us. Even Moses must have heard this same voice. He expressed his self-doubt to the Lord four times in Exodus 3 & 4.

He first asked the Lord, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt? The Lord quickly answered, “I will certainly be with you.”
Moses then made my favorite statement. “But suppose they will not believe me.” Suppose, how often do I suppose something – assume that something is true without proof or knowledge?
Moses’ next doubt had some legitimacy which makes it easier to believe, “I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.” The Lord tried to prove to Moses where he should put his trust. The Lord responded, “Who has made man’s mouth? … Now go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say.”
He should have stopped there, discounted the voice of lies and headed out to do as the Lord had commanded. Instead, he makes one more plea. “Lord, please send someone else.” The beautiful part of this story is while the Lord was angered, He sent Aaron to be with Moses.

I have to say, Moses helps me feel better about myself.

The Lord is the voice of truth and has the answer to every lie that comes into your mind. While it is true that we cannot do some of the hard things in life alone, the rest of the truth is that we have this friend, Jesus, who has promised “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9. Read that again. His grace covers our weakness. We can do anything he asks us to do. He will cover for us where we cannot do it alone.

Next time the voice of lies begins to creep into your thoughts, remember the Lord had an answer for every one of Moses’ doubts, and the Word tells us, “God is able to make all grace abound to you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.” 2 Corinthians 9:8,

As You Wish

Your will be done. Really? Who says that? I tease our sons that the line from Princess Bride, “As you wish.” Should be their go to response for their wives. Whether you prefer “as you wish” or “your will be done,” submission is what the speaker of either phrase is granting someone.

Twice, during prayer, Jesus models this for us. The first time is when Jesus is asked to teach the disciples to pray. In this model prayer Jesus simply states “Your will be done.” (Matt 6:10 & Luke 11:2). Jesus is teaching us to seek God’s will when we pray. The second prayer is when Jesus is praying in the garden. He not only prays this once, but twice that night. “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.” (Matthew 26:39). Here Jesus is asking for a pass from the cross and even more so, a pass from taking on of all the sins of the world creating a separation between Him and His father. Then He pauses and says, “nevertheless” or never mind – not my will, but yours.

Praying for God’s will takes courage. Even as a young girl, I was always afraid to just openly pray for God’s will. What if He wanted me to do something crazy like leave my mom and dad and go to the mission field. Don’t judge, it always crossed my mind. In all seriousness, last night as I was out watering plants, I was praying for a break. I was just telling God from the bottom of my heart that I needed a break. I was asking for just one day to take it easy, one day just for me. I will admit, I mentioned a spa day and even possibly a quick weekend getaway. When it suddenly occurred to me how selfishly I was praying. I immediately recognized that I should be praying for the energy and stamina to do what God has placed in front of me, not praying for a break. I had to throw up the same “never mind” that Jesus did when He was praying. I was praying for Angela’s will not God’s will.

I’ve been called out on this before. Once my daughter was dating a guy I didn’t really like. I was praying for every kind of break-up you could imagine. One of them would find someone else, her eyes would be open, his parents would move out of state…. As they were getting a little more serious, I decided to rally the troops. I did what any praying mom would do. I called my best, praying friend and asked her to join me. We know where two or more are gathered, there is power in that prayer. With her help, we would make this breakup happen. However, I didn’t get the response from my friend that I was expecting. She simply asked me if I had thought about praying for this young man and praying that he would develop a relationship with Christ. Ouch, NO! I had not thought about praying that way. I was praying for a breakup. Again, praying for Angela’s will not God’s will.

How do we know God’s will so we can pray that way? Ask. Just simply ask Him and then listen. The more time you spend with Him, the more you will know His will, and the more you will desire to submit to it. Don’t worry, the odds are really slim that He will ask you to sell everything and go to Siberia.

Why is Something so Easy, so Hard?

Yesterday started off as a better than usual day. When I pulled up to the window at Starbucks, I was informed my drink had been paid for by the person in front of me. You know, this act of kindness works best in a drive-through line. A couple of times I have been fortunate enough for a kind person to purchase my pop at 7-11. In these cases, it is always a little awkward. I first try to convince them it’s not necessary to pay for my pop. Then I thank them over and over, as they pay my bill, before walking out of the store usually at the same time and thanking them again until I get in my car. There actually is the ability to deny the acceptance of the gift, and there is no anonymity. However, at the drive-through window, accepting the gift is the only option. It is already paid for.

Forgiveness is the same way. It is already paid for and is there just waiting on us to accept it. This is true for everyone, but why then do we sometimes not accept the gift that was paid for and given to us? Maybe you say to yourself, “I will never do that again.” Like that makes it okay while only deceiving yourself. Furthermore, thinking you have the power in yourself to change the behavior. Maybe you choose to not accept the gift and just live with the guilt either because you think you are not worthy or you think forgiveness is meant not for you. My personal favorite is to just pretend something never happened. If it never happened, I don’t have to deal with it.

The directions for forgiveness are clear. “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:8 – 9). The word that gets me is “confess.” This requires acknowledging that I actually did something wrong. It requires that I admit I’m not perfect. This isn’t easy for me. However, if I never decided to get a Starbucks yesterday, I never would have received my free gift. We have to make a conscious decision to confess our sins in order to receive the free gift of forgiveness. Would you leave a gift under the Christmas tree, unwrapped and unclaimed? I wouldn’t! Don’t leave the freedom that forgiveness provides on the table just because you are not willing to confess or admit your mistakes.

What You Don’t Know

Last Monday was a somewhat typical day for me. I had to attend 3 meetings, make a short presentation and attend a board meeting. I would like to think I pulled off the day with great success. However, what if I told you my shoe was being held together by Gorilla Glue and could have come apart at any moment. I probably shouldn’t tell you, but I will, that under my suit jacket, my shirt was partially unzipped because it was too tight and I couldn’t breathe with it zipped. Looks can be so deceiving. On the outside, I appeared to have my act together, but in reality, I was uncomfortable and tiptoeing gingerly with every step not to put too much strain on my shoe.

Life can be the same way. We work so hard to put on the appearance that everything is perfect and we have it all together when it truth, that isn’t the case. I have no doubt that many times we are sitting next to someone and thinking they have the perfect life while in reality we may have no idea what is going on. It could be they had a huge fight with their teenage child that morning and are worried about how it is going to play out when everyone gets back home tonight. It could be they have felt a growing lump and are trying to get into a doctor while every thought is filled with fear. It could be bills are coming due at a higher rate than pay is coming in.

I have two points I want to make here. The first one is for the girl trying to hold it together, but barely doing so. I get that sometimes we have to “put on those big girl panties,” and hold it together to get a job done or know that we are just doing the best we can until something in our life changes. I want to tell the girl is who is putting on this façade every day and pretending that everything is perfect that it is okay to let someone know. You don’t have to hold it together alone. Then to all of the other ladies out there who are admiring that perfect friend and trying so hard to be like them, this friend may not be as perfect as you think. Really what your friend may need instead of your admiration is your kindness, or your willingness to listen.

I’m so thankful for a suit jacket and Gorilla Glue. My day would have been a disaster without them. What I pray is that as Jesus directed in John 7:24 that I “Do not judge according to appearance but judge with righteous judgment.” That is I pray that I see others through the eyes of the Lord, not through my earthly eyes. How is this possible? Only through prayer and knowing the heart of the Lord. Philippians 1:9 states “And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment,” This tells me that through prayer our love for others and the ability to see their needs can increase if we seek it.

What are Your Distractors?

A couple of weeks ago I determined to get my emails under control. This was spurred on after spending a couple of hours one day completely clearing out my emails only to wake up the next morning with 43 brand new, unread emails. For some of you, this would not be a problem at all, however, I fall into the group that cannot stand to have any red numbers showing up on my phone. I determined to take one week and unsubscribe to every email that showed up in my inbox that I didn’t want. So, instead of the normal 20 seconds it would take every morning to click and delete all of the unwanted emails, I opened each and every one and went through the clicks required to unsubscribe. Many of them required me to unsubscribe multiple times before it actually took.
I must say, this one week of effort paid off in the long run. It was such a good feeling to wake up in the morning and only have emails waiting on me that I wanted to read. I realize this is most likely just temporary. Only last night, as I was making a few online purchases, I entered my email each time knowing it wouldn’t be long until this company would soon be filling my inbox. These new, unsolicited, emails would again distract me from the emails of importance.
This is true in our daily walk as well. There are so many distractors that keep us from the important tasks at hand. Colossians 3:2 tells us, “Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.” It is so hard to set my mind on the things above when I let my thoughts get crowded out by things of this earth. These are not things that are wrong or bad, just things that take me away from time with and for God. Some of the examples that currently distract me are The Crown on Netflix, Candy Crush, and to be completely honest, just online shopping. It is impossible to “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness” Matthew 6:33 without spending time in God’s word and in conversation with God. This takes time.
Maybe I should be writing this as a New Year’s Resolution, but it is really just a reminder to focus on what is important and sometimes the best way to do that is to eliminate the distractors.

What is forgiveness?

dillards Okay, don’t judge, but I’m still reading on the book that I referenced several months ago. It is a 28 day study of the Lord’s prayer. Yes, I’m going on about 4 months working on this study. This is partly because I have read some sections a couple of times, partly because I’ve set the book aside for days at a time, and partly because I have to divide up what I am to read each day. Anyway, I’m to the part of the study pertaining to the line “Forgive our sins as we forgive those that trespass against us” As I read this chapter, I arrogantly began to make a mental list of all the people I have forgiven. I was reminded of how I had been treated at various times in my life, how God had been faithful through those times, and how I was better off by going through those experiences despite what others had done to me. After several minutes of patting myself on the back, I put the study aside for the night and went to bed.

While shopping a few days later, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a person that was on my list of those forgiven. As soon as I saw this person, my stomach jumped up into my throat or my heart fell down into my stomach. Whatever happened, my insides were a mess. There was an obvious physical reaction to just seeing this person. Being the strong confident woman that I am and because I have completely forgiven this person, I did what any normal person would do. I ducked behind the clothes rack and moved from clothes rack to clothes rack until I was out of the store.

Driving home, it occured to me that maybe I haven’t forgiven this person to the degree I thought I had. If my emotions when I saw this person were strong enough to cause a physical reaction, maybe I haven’t forgiven to the degree I need to. This caused my mind to go all kinds of places. As a matter of fact. I have waited several weeks to write this because I don’t have the answer. I have often heard, “forgive, but don’t forget.” To me that has meant forgive someone that maybe has taken advantage of you, but don’t let them do it again. Now, like I said, I don’t have the answers, but I know of a specific time when a co-worker would pawn work off on me. Once, as I was praying and practicing how I was going to tell this person off refusing to do her work anymore, I felt clearly corrected and reprimanded that I was to show kindness and was to continue helping her in as many ways as possible. In reverse order to help with my current delima, I decided, when all else fails, go to the Word.

Colossians 3 and Ephesians 4 both give us direction concerning forgiveness. “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31 & 32. This first reminds me how wrong it is when I have wished for someone that hurt me to be equally or to an even greater extent hurt themselves. I know this is wrong, and I have to control those thoughts. I will admit the best way I have found to get those thoughts under control is to pray for the person who hurt me. It is really hard to think evil against someone as you pray for them.

Aside from working on being kind and putting away my hate to the point where I don’t have to hide in the store, I want to focus on the last phrase in Ephesians 32. “Forgive one another even as God in Christ forgave you.” When God forgives us, our sins are completely forgotten. “As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:12. “You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.” Micah 7:19. I don’t know that I can forgive like this. As a matter of fact, I know I can’t. Not me, not me alone. To truly forgive in this manner, I will require God’s help. I can’t say I fully understand how you forgive someone that has done something unthinkable to you or to someone you love. I’m working on this, but I do think I am to the point where I won’t hide behind the clothes racks at the store in order to avoid talking to a person.

Playing by the Rules

One of our favorite family pastimes is to play cards. I have so many memories as a child playing cards with my family. My dad was quite the card player. He could tell you any card that had been picked up and was certain to let you know if you weren’t paying attention and played into someone’s hand. We had the most laughs at the expense of my sister. She would pick up any face card whether it went with her hand or not. She just couldn’t let one pass by.

As a child, intense conversations focused around not paying attention or not playing smart, however, as a mother, my family found different points to argue. It usually centered around who was cheating. For some reason, my kids believed if you were winning, you had to be cheating. I will say with 98% honesty that I never cheated. Now, if you were not aware enough to hold your cards where they couldn’t be seen, that was your own fault and fair game. Other than that, I always played by the rules.

Playing by the rules is something I have done all of my life. I don’t know if I am just afraid to break the rules or if following rules provides order to my life, but I am a rule follower through and through. I even make up rules to follow such donuts are only allowed on Friday.

The problem is, I somehow began to put my trust in following the rules instead of in God’s grace. I think I got confused along the way and really believed if I followed all of the rules, nothing bad would happen or if I followed all of the rules, I would find favor with God. For the most part, the rules were biblical rules, but some were institutional rules. No matter, I followed them – all of them. Now don’t get me wrong, following the rules set forth in the Bible is the way to go. John 14:15, “If you love me, keep my commands.” I would do it all over again. In his letter to the Thessalonians, Paul writes, “As for other matters, brothers and sisters, we instructed you how to live in order to please God,” However, following the rules did not protect me from life.

I was extremely fortunate to live in the perfect “Polly Anna” world most of my life. Then my kids became teenagers and what do you know, they weren’t perfect. I began to ask questions and doubt my actions. How could this happen? We went to church every time the doors were open. We had family devotions every morning…. What rule had I missed that would cause this imperfection? After that, the unexplainable happened and cancer hit our family head on. I first wanted to ask why? or how? I had done my part, I had followed the rules. What I was soon to learn, was following the rules couldn’t protect me, but there was a God that could. Maybe you have been treated unfairly at work, been hurt by a spouse, or faced financial hardships. God might not keep any number of painful events from happening, but he would walk beside you all of the way. Psalm 55:22, “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you.”

I had to learn it was really about my relationship with Him. It was about His love for me. It wasn’t about how many rules I had kept or broken.

Now, don’t get me wrong, there are blessings and rewards for those that keep God’s commands. I James 20:25 confirms that if you are a doer of the word (follow the rules) you will be blessed in what you do. The problem is we can’t follow the rules just to receive blessings or just to be protected from the ugly part of life. We follow the rules because of our relationship with God and because of how much we love Him.

Maybe I should make up a rule about following rules. All I know is that we can never do enough to earn what God freely gives us.

How Much are you Worth?

The drive to Woodward is a trek I have made more times than I can count since I moved for sale away 30 some years ago. I visited my mom and dad on a somewhat regular basis, but during the two years Scott and I were dating, I headed down highway 270 at least once a month. One of the interesting sites along the road is this pasture with multiple cars parked out by the highway. For some reason, I always notice these cars as they mark the spot where I am about 7 miles from home. These cars have been parked here for years. Really, I’ve glanced at these cars as I drove by for as long as I can remember. I’ve never seen anyone stop and look at them as if they might want to purchase them. I’ve never seen a sign marking the price or a price reduction. They are just sitting there waiting to be purchased.

As we have been trying to sell our house, it is very clear that a house or any object is only worth what someone is willing to pay. It doesn’t really matter what you paid for it originally, how much you have spent on improvements, or how much the house next door sold for. What really matters is the amount a buyer is willing to pay at the time you want to sell. Clearly, no one is willing to pay for these vehicles what the buyer is asking. I don’t even know if there is an engine in either one of them. If the farmer that lives here wants to move these cars out of his field, he is going to have to lower the price to what someone is willing to pay.

I must admit there have been times in my life where I felt like these cars. I felt what I had to offer was not of value to anyone or worthy enough to be desired. These feelings have popped up at different times in my life. First as a young mother who had no idea what I was doing. I was convinced that all other mothers were much more equipped for the job than I was. I identified so many mistakes in my parenting skills, I couldn’t see any value in myself. There have been other times when I tried to judge my value based on what I saw in the mirror. All I could see were the faults that lowered my value in my mind. There is no good that can come from those thoughts. I also battle with the misconception that I can somehow increase my value by the possessions I own. The thought that a designer purse will make be a better person is nothing but a lie.

A low point in my value meter came at a time in my career when I faced on a daily basis criticism and rejection. I truly began to believe I was inept and unqualified for the position I held. Fortunately, during these times, either through scripture or through friends who encouraged me and lifted me up, I was able to regain my confidence and realize I was beautifully and wonderfully made.

As I was writing this, I pulled out my journal to find the scriptures I leaned on during these times. I wanted to share just a few with you.

Proverbs 16:3, “Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established.” Put it in God’s hands and then our thoughts can be free from worry – Angela’s version (AV)

Isaiah 41:10, “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Okay, God is talking to the Israelites, but He is the same God today as He was yesterday. I don’t have to be afraid and worry. He will take care of me. – AV

Psalm 56:4 “In God I have put my trust, I will not fear. What can mere mortals do to me?” My value comes from God not man. My trust is in Him, not those around me – AV

Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen.” Whether I feel like an inadequate mother, a humdrum dresser, or that I’m in over my head at work, God has placed me here for a purpose and that purpose is to carry out his plan. I am valuable because I have a plan to carryout. – AV

I want to wrap up with a point that contradicts Economics 101. Our value isn’t based on supply and demand, determined by what others desire or set through our own critical viewpoint. Our value is based on our creator and the price that was paid for our salvation. Like a piece of art, the value increases based on the quality of the artist. We were created in the image of God by the creator of the universe for a specific purpose. How could we be anything but of the highest quality?

Whew, Now that is Mercy

And how do I show thanks?

ticket It is the worst feeling ever. You are driving along, minding your own business, solving all the problems of the world, when all of a sudden you pass the deviously hidden black & white car. It is too late to slam on the brakes, you have already flown passed it. I always just try to play it cool as I watch in the mirror to see if the officer is going to pull out and follow me or let me continue on my journey. On this particular day, I was taking a different route home from work because I had been to a meeting in a nearby school district. I was fresh off the highway and didn’t realize how quickly the speed limit had decreased until I saw the lights flipping on as I passed by. There wasn’t even time to wonder if I was going to get to keep on driving. Now the question was what the damage was going to be. It is a whole new level of dread. I usually just take the approach of saying as little as possible and admitting my guilt with full apologizes as I await the news of ticket or warning. Today for some reason, I just started in with the excuses mixed in with apologizes: I don’t usually drive this road, I didn’t realize the speed limit had changed, I’m so sorry for not paying attention. After about a five minute chat that digressed from the number of children that lived close by to the fact I needed to go to Wal-Mart to get groceries for supper, I finally received the much anticipated news that I would only receive a warning.

I so deserved a ticket. I was going 63 in a 45. I have no idea why he decided to only give me a warning, but it was the most amazing feeling ever. As he went back to his car to write my warning, I was celebrating by sending pictures to Scott and the kids. The thing is, God shows us mercy on a daily basis and I’m sure I don’t celebrate in the same manner. I’m not talking about the ultimate grace and mercy God showed by sending His son and providing the perfect sacrifice for our sins thus creating forgiveness when we in no way deserved it. I’m talking about the mercy and grace God provides in our lives on a daily basis. How often do I stop and give God the credit for the gifts he gives.

First, just to be clear, there is a difference between mercy and grace. I catch myself using them synonymously. The officer extended mercy to me by not giving me the ticket I deserved. Grace on the other hand is when we receive kindness or a blessing that isn’t earned or deserved. Thinking about the grace and mercy experienced every day, I don’t necessarily know what an appropriate consequence would be for every action I make that isn’t the most pleasing to God, but even if there was an immediate response such as a small electronic buzz every time I had an ugly thought, said something ungodly, the little buzzer would be quite busy. Fortunately God doesn’t punish us in that manner. He loves us. Ephesians 2:4 & 5 “But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive and together with Christ.” The same is true with grace. The Lord has blessed me with so much more than I deserve, but do I take time to celebrate or even just whisper a prayer of thanks.

I was trying to think of some recent times I could clearly see God’s grace or mercy in my life. I thought of the time I was displaying a little road rage and by all means should have been ran into the barricade. I still don’t know how my car fit between the truck and the cement edge. Oh wait, maybe it was God’s mercy. I deserved to get ran off the road for thinking I could take on a battle with a semi and win. I thought of the time when I was having a bad day last week. I felt like I was being attacked for only trying to help then out of the clear blue, I received a card from a friend thanking me for something I had done that really seemed small to me, but had meant something to them. Tell me that isn’t the grace of God. It made the other matter seem insignificant.

It was probably three weeks ago there was a wreck on the interstate so I was taking the back roads to bypass the traffic. This detour took me past some apartments with boarded up windows, cars without all four tires, and many other signs of undesirable conditions. As I passed through this area of town, there was just a small moment of judgement on my part before I was overwhelmed with conviction. My first thoughts centered around why would anyone live there? They should just close those apartments down and other very disparaging thoughts. Then quickly God brought to my attention how easily I could be living a life completely different, if not for His grace and mercy. I thought of the alcoholism both of my grandfathers suffered from during their lives and how I could just as easily suffer from the same addictive behaviors. There is an extreme difference in the four miles between where these apartments are located and where my house is located, however the only difference that keeps me from living in one place over the other is God’s grace and mercy.

So, today, as I celebrate not paying an enormous traffic ticket, I also want to take time to thank the Lord for loving me so much that He doesn’t make me pay for all of the stupid mistakes I make on a daily basis and loving me so much that he blesses me far beyond anything I deserve.