Angela Grunewald

I Could Have Killed Him

In my effort to win the “Wife of the Year” award, I try really hard to fix supper on the nights I’m home and to pack a lunch for Scott and I Monday thru Thursday. Last Tuesday, I roasted a chicken in the Instant Pot for dinner and then for our lunches, I took the chicken we didn’t eat to make chicken salad sandwiches. I have done this successfully in the past. I simply put the leftover pieces of chicken in the Ninja, grind them up, add some pecans, grapes and dressing – voila, chicken salad. I’m telling you, the sandwiches looked devine as I packed them in our lunch bags for the next day. However looks can be deceiving.

When it came time to eat my sandwich the next day, about two bites in I came across what I thought was a pecan shell. No problem. While this is hard to describe without sounding gross, I separated the shell from my food and discarded it into my napkin so I could continue eating. It was in the very next bite, I came across what I thought was piece of shell number two. This time after I placed the piece in my napkin, I took a little peek at it. sorry for the grossness, but true story. I was a little bewildered, because the piece didn’t really look like a pecan shell. However as an obviously slow learner, I kept eating my sandwich. I was two more bites in, when it happened again. This time I had to thoroughly investigate. It was clear what had happened. I had ground up a chicken bone while making the chicken salad. I threw my sandwich away and quickly called Scott to warn him. I was too late. He had already eaten his sandwich even though he had actually discovered a small bone piece similar in size to a broken off toothpick. If you know Scott, it won’t surprise you that he ate the sandwich despite finding a bone in it.

All I could think about was how many times have I heard, “Never feed your dogs chicken bones because they splinter and will puncture the dog’s intestines.” I quickly googled what happens if you eat a chicken bone. The articles that popped up were centered around a dog eating a chicken bone. I learned the signs I should be watching for included:

Vomiting or retching
Drooling or panting
Restlessness and looking uncomfortable
Tiredness, reluctance to move
Refusing to eat
Stretching repeatedly or moving oddly
Whining, crying when his tummy is touched
Bleeding from his bottom, diarrhea, or straining to empty his bowels
Other behavior that you don’t normally see in your dog (such are growling) and that might indicate pain or discomfort

I didn’t know how many of those symptoms I might see in Scott so I continued my research based more specifically around humans, I learned that in a few unlucky patients, swallowing a chicken bone causes serious problems. About 10-20% would need to undergo foreign body extraction through endoscopy. Furthermore, about 1% of patients end up in the operating room to undergo major surgery for serious complications. These include intestinal perforation, bowel obstruction, internal bleeding (hemorrhage), abdominal infection (peritonitis), and abscess formation (pus collection). These complications often develop a few days after ingestion of the chicken bone. All we could do now was wait….

Obviously, all is well, no surgery required although my “wife of the year” status is in great jeopardy. While we laugh about it now, there were a few minutes where the worry trait that I inherited from my mom and grandma came rushing over me full force. If I told you some of the what if’s that went through my mind, you would be convinced I was partially crazy. I must admit this worry factor can be a real problem. I notice it more and more the older I get. Just last week (after we survived the chicken bones), I was in Mobile holding my beautiful, 4 month old grandbaby. I caught myself at one point looking at her and becoming preoccupied with worry. I thought of everything that could happen to her from the flu to cancer. I had to literally push those thoughts from my mind.

The number of scriptures that tell us not to worry are more numerous than I can list here, but there are a few worth mentioning. Matthew 6 and Luke 12 both record Jesus speaking to His disciples about worry. These passages include such phrases as:

Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink nor about your body what you will put on
The heavenly Father knows what you need, so seek first the kingdom of God
Do not worry about tomorrow
Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature
Do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink nor have an anxious mind

It is also in these passages where Jesus references the birds of the air and the lilies of the valley compared to us as an example of how He takes care of them and accordingly He will so much more take care of us.

There is also:

Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

1 Peter 5:7, “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”

Psalm 55:22, “Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you.”

All of these scriptures based on worry and anxiety tells me two things. One, I’m not alone. Jesus knew this was a real problem for many or He wouldn’t have put it in the Bible so many times. Two, there are too many wonderful experiences in life to waste any time at all in worry and fear. Not that this comes naturally or easily, but I’m committed to keeping my mind worry free. Now this doesn’t mean if I ever think I have done something to put our lives in jeopardy again I won’t Google what to do or what to look for, but I won’t let the worry consume my day.

How Much are you Worth?

The drive to Woodward is a trek I have made more times than I can count since I moved for sale away 30 some years ago. I visited my mom and dad on a somewhat regular basis, but during the two years Scott and I were dating, I headed down highway 270 at least once a month. One of the interesting sites along the road is this pasture with multiple cars parked out by the highway. For some reason, I always notice these cars as they mark the spot where I am about 7 miles from home. These cars have been parked here for years. Really, I’ve glanced at these cars as I drove by for as long as I can remember. I’ve never seen anyone stop and look at them as if they might want to purchase them. I’ve never seen a sign marking the price or a price reduction. They are just sitting there waiting to be purchased.

As we have been trying to sell our house, it is very clear that a house or any object is only worth what someone is willing to pay. It doesn’t really matter what you paid for it originally, how much you have spent on improvements, or how much the house next door sold for. What really matters is the amount a buyer is willing to pay at the time you want to sell. Clearly, no one is willing to pay for these vehicles what the buyer is asking. I don’t even know if there is an engine in either one of them. If the farmer that lives here wants to move these cars out of his field, he is going to have to lower the price to what someone is willing to pay.

I must admit there have been times in my life where I felt like these cars. I felt what I had to offer was not of value to anyone or worthy enough to be desired. These feelings have popped up at different times in my life. First as a young mother who had no idea what I was doing. I was convinced that all other mothers were much more equipped for the job than I was. I identified so many mistakes in my parenting skills, I couldn’t see any value in myself. There have been other times when I tried to judge my value based on what I saw in the mirror. All I could see were the faults that lowered my value in my mind. There is no good that can come from those thoughts. I also battle with the misconception that I can somehow increase my value by the possessions I own. The thought that a designer purse will make be a better person is nothing but a lie.

A low point in my value meter came at a time in my career when I faced on a daily basis criticism and rejection. I truly began to believe I was inept and unqualified for the position I held. Fortunately, during these times, either through scripture or through friends who encouraged me and lifted me up, I was able to regain my confidence and realize I was beautifully and wonderfully made.

As I was writing this, I pulled out my journal to find the scriptures I leaned on during these times. I wanted to share just a few with you.

Proverbs 16:3, “Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established.” Put it in God’s hands and then our thoughts can be free from worry – Angela’s version (AV)

Isaiah 41:10, “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Okay, God is talking to the Israelites, but He is the same God today as He was yesterday. I don’t have to be afraid and worry. He will take care of me. – AV

Psalm 56:4 “In God I have put my trust, I will not fear. What can mere mortals do to me?” My value comes from God not man. My trust is in Him, not those around me – AV

Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen.” Whether I feel like an inadequate mother, a humdrum dresser, or that I’m in over my head at work, God has placed me here for a purpose and that purpose is to carry out his plan. I am valuable because I have a plan to carryout. – AV

I want to wrap up with a point that contradicts Economics 101. Our value isn’t based on supply and demand, determined by what others desire or set through our own critical viewpoint. Our value is based on our creator and the price that was paid for our salvation. Like a piece of art, the value increases based on the quality of the artist. We were created in the image of God by the creator of the universe for a specific purpose. How could we be anything but of the highest quality?

God’s Love Language

time Last week there was the rare event where Scott and I had a quiet night at home. As we were sitting in the living room watching some basketball game, I began quizzing Scott with questions from a FB quiz. After finding out what annoys him most and what makes him proud, we began talking about our “love languages.” This is a conversation we had several times when dating and many times with our children as they were going through their marriage counseling. Our Love Languages are almost in direct conflict with each other. Scott enjoys quality time together while I enjoy acts of service. In other words, I want us to be doing something (working on my “to do” list) and Scott likes to just sit and visit. Scott is great about helping me and doing things for me. I’m still working on sitting still and just spending time together.

Anyway, as we were having this conversation, I began to think about what Love Language God desires. I have come to the conclusion that God, like Scott, desires quality time together with us. For those not familiar with the 5 Love Languages. A person that desires quality time together enjoys one-on-one time and uninterrupted conversations. I think it is clear God seeks our undivided attention. “But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him.” John 4:23. God wants us to worship him and worship takes undivided time. You cannot truly worship someone while you are on your phone or watching TV. I am convinced one of the best ways to spend time with God, is to spend time in His word. This is how we are changed and how we become more like Him, and how he reveals Himself to us. Communication is two way, and God gave us His word to communicate with us for all of our needs. “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.” 2 Timothy 3:16-17.

As I was thinking about God’s love language and the importance of communicating in the appropriate love language with those we want to please, I must admit, I was a little convicted. For example, the book I am currently using for my nightly devotions starts with 3-4 scripture references and then a page of reading that corresponds with those scriptures. Not a lot of time commitment involved to start with, but I often look at the 4 scripture references, choose the shortest and only read that one before reading the one page devotion that goes with it. What message does that communicate about my willingness to spend quality time with my Savior? That would be like Scott looking at my “to do” list, picking the task that would be the quickest or easiest and only doing that chore to help me out. While I’m sure I would appreciate any help, it sends the message I want to do as little as possible to please you. Can you imagine the response I would get from Scott, if I told him, “I want to spend quality time with you, but I don’t have time to talk about everything you want to talk about so pick one topic. That is all I can give you tonight.” I’m afraid Scott’s response would not be “Oh, thank you so much for the one topic.”

In Revelation 3:20, Jesus in his own words states, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.” This is such a strong image of a person that desires quality time with another. I can remember when my kids were little and all I needed was just a few minutes of alone time in the bathroom. However, more often than not, one of them would stand outside the door and knock the entire time I was in the bathroom. Just as a small child seeks to be close to his/her mother, Jesus seeks to have time with us. The question is how do we respond.

New Neighbor

81916770-CA6B-49EE-9D56-D2AF4D79E640 Every three months Scott and I make the trek to the El Reno Cemetery to change the flowers on Jeff’s grave. It is a routine we have down to an art. When we were there the first week in September changing the summer flowers out for the fall flowers, we noticed several new graves in the area. We were back again the first week in December changing out the fall flowers for the winter flowers. As part of our normal routine, we were checking out the new neighbors as many of them had headstones up by now. Anyway, the whole time we were there, an elderly man was puttering around at one of the newer graves. He was making the motions of rearranging the flowers on the grave, but really never moving anything. I couldn’t stand it any longer and had to go over and talk to him. It was clear as I approached and looked at the new headstone, he was standing at his wife’s grave. I began the conversation by asking if this was his first Christmas without her. I learned he celebrated their 49th anniversary in November with out her and many other first that C0FC7EF7-1423-49A4-87B6-5178A6CFF5EC happen during the infamous year of first that happens after the death of a loved one. After we talked for several minutes, he asked me what I’m sure appeared to be the obvious questions, “is this your parent’s grave?” He was surprised to hear that it was my husband’s, but I pointed out Scott, who had been standing there the whole time. I said, “Look, God gave me a new one.” That created quite a laugh and then we were able to talk about living life after the loss of a loved one.

It wasn’t a week later that I was at Hobby Lobby (not getting stationery if you read my last blog) when a young, beautiful mother turned quickly around a corner and crashed into my cart causing her diaper bag/ purse to spill to the ground. I began to help her pick up her belongings and she just started crying. We were able to visit for a little bit, but most importantly I was reminded how many people are deeply hurting this time of year, but no one can tell by just looking. She was beautiful. If you just looked at her, you would think her life was perfect. Trust me, that wasn’t the case.

I remember the “year of first” when I had to fake every smile and just go through the motions of celebrating Christmas. I remember the stress as a young mother of having more gifts to buy than money allowed and how nothing, not even brushing my teeth, was easy. The fact is, there are people all around us each and every day that are hurting on the inside. It doesn’t matter how good they look on the outside, there can still be pain on the inside. Our neighbors need us, but we also have to make ourselves available.

This should be saved for another blog, but I have come to the conclusion that I either look like a really nice person, or I look like I work at Wal-Mart. For some reason, it never fails, that some man will ask me a question about where to find a random item when I am shopping at Wal-Mart. It is always a man that has a list from his wife and doesn’t want to get it wrong. I really think it has to do with making eye contact and smiling. Then the next thing I know, I’m helping someone find meat tenderizer.

Anyway, the point is, let God use you to be available for the hurting people that are right next door to you. It could be the co-worker that seems to have it all, but maybe doesn’t. It might be the girl at the gym that looks great in her work-out clothes, it might be the clerk at 7-11 you see each morning or it might be you. If it is the person you see each day, be there for them. If it is you, you’re the one that is dying on the inside, please know you are not alone. Life is hard and not always fun, but there is a joy and a peace that cannot come from anything on this Earth. It is there and it is real. It doesn’t take away the pain, but it sees you through. Know that you are not alone. Hebrews 13:5, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” And know there is peace in God that cannot be explained. John 16:33, “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace, In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

Be available to your neighbors. If you are hurting. Reach out to someone.

Save Me from Myself

Sometimes I just need to stop and think.

phone Last Tuesday was just one of those days. It started out in typical fashion. I was headed to work, thinking through my day when I noticed the display panel on my car read “no phone connected.” At the same time, I saw the perfect place to turn around. With breaks squealing, I whirled my car around and headed back home. I called Scott on my watch and began telling him all the places to start looking for my phone. The whole time I was giving him directions, I distinctly remembered putting my phone in my purse before I left. As Scott looked in all my usual phone forgetting spots, I then and only then thought to look in my purse. I was almost back to the house by now when what do you know? I had my phone with me the whole time. If I would have only stopped to think before I reacted and whipped my car around, I could have saved myself 15-20 minutes that morning.

While my day was uneventful, I had one task to accomplish Tuesday night. Print our Letter Christmas letters and stuff them in the envelopes. There is a little more involved than it sounds. You have to adjust the print to match the outline of the stationery. As I thought I had everything lined up perfectly, I noticed one line began with “I went to Denver.” I couldn’t imagine why I would have typed such a statement. I did’t go to Denver by myself. I quickly, without thinking or reading the statement in context, changed the I to We and printed 87 copies of our Christmas letter. As I was stuffing envelopes, Scott picked up the letter and began reading it. He got a puzzled look on his face and read out loud. “Scott and we went to Denver???” See, the words Scott and were on the line above and I didn’t notice them. The sentence originally read Scott and I went to Denver, but I changed the I to we. I now faced the decision of whether to send out the letter with the terribly ugly mistake or head off to Hobby Lobby. Well, we ended up going to three Hobby Lobby’s that night to find enough of the right stationery that matched the cards. Again, if I would have taken only a brief second to read the entire sentence before I hastily made the change, I could have saved myself a couple of hours of grief.

I just want to say for the record there are an equal number of times when I amaze myself with really wise decisions. These times I give credit to God, but it is proof I am not a complete idiot 100% of the time. However, when those embarrassing decisions are made, I just want to scream because the mistake could have so easily been prevented if I would have just stopped for 2-3 seconds to think. Now the examples I have written about tonight have been with little consequences, but this isn’t always the case. If we don’t stop and think, pray or seek Godly counsel, we can easily do the same thing with bigger, life changing decisions.

Take Esau for example, he was convinced he was going to starve so what was it going to hurt if he gave away his birthright. Do you think he really thought that decision through? Sometimes we are so blinded by our problem, we can’t think clearly. We let the problem be so big, we don’t look for the best solution. We just look for the quickest solution. In Genesis 12 Abram was fleeing a famine. As they entered Egypt, he became concerned that he would be killed because his wife Sarai was so beautiful. With the fear of death staring him in the face, he makes a horrible decision. He asks Sarai to lie and say she is his sister. You know the rest of the story. Since Pharaoh thinks she is single, he takes her into his house. Really, you are going to ask your wife to lie so you won’t be killed. Again, fear was guiding the decision. Not trust or faith.

I was so mad when I thought I left my phone at home, I just whipped my car around and headed back. Esau was so hungry, he wasn’t thinking past getting the immediate need of hunger met. Abram was so scared, he put both of their lives in danger. All of these situations had other options. I just needed to look in my purse. Esau could have fixed his own meal. Abram forgot honesty is always the best policy.

At this time of year, There are plenty of problems and fears to go around. It could be the desire to buy that perfect Christmas gift that causes us to spend more than we have or the length of the Holiday to do list that influences us to skip our devotion or take short-cuts at work. Maybe you have desired to be accepted by others to the point that you sacrificed your principles or just as Abram in the face of fear, dishonesty seemed much easier than the truth.

I pray each day that not only will I represent Christ in everything I do, but that I will make wise decisions that keep me in His will. I need Jesus to save me from myself because my decisions are dangerous.

What I’ve Learned this Week

apple The last two weeks have been a little crazy in my head. There have been times I wondered who was living up there because it couldn’t be me. I’m normally very rational and level headed. Strangely the week started out with a full out fit of self-pity. As I prayed one night, I literally made out a list of all the favors, sacrifices and jobs I was doing for others and asked God when someone was going to do something for me. Now, as I type this, it seems utterly ridiculous. But at that time, that night, it was real. I was spent and emotionally exhausted. First, I want to say, I am so thankful for a loving Lord who doesn’t mock the nonsense of such complaints, but instead wraps his arms around me and provides comfort.

Fortunately the uncharacteristic pity-party was short-lived and I was back to normal until I attend a funeral for an 83 year old woman whom I had never met. As I listened to this lovely lady’s family talk about her love for family and others I began to feel so unworthy as a mother and a friend. Then one of the granddaughters read from Roman 12:9-12 NLT to describe her grandmother’s love. “Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.” As I thought on these words, “don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them,” I became overwhelmed with the notion that I loved others out of duty not out of real love. I loved or served others because it was what I was supposed to do, not out of a pure heart that was loving others with a Christ-like love. I mean wasn’t it just the week before that I was complaining about all I had to do for my family and friends?

Again, thanks to a loving Lord that helps me through my crazy times. I went home and started reading scriptures on love trying to figure out the difference between real love or pure love as opposed to love that is out of obligation or duty. I was convinced everything I did for others was just because I was expected to do it or someone might be disappointed in me if I didn’t. At first every scripture just confirmed that. I read scripture after scripture about how great God’s love is and how we are to love others with this same type of love. Eph. 5:1,2; John 15:9-13; Romans 8:32; John 13: 34 & 35 all made the guilt even heavier. There was no way I loved with the loved described in these scriptures.

Then two things happened. One, I came across Galatians 5:22, ” But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” which reminded me that you can always tell the motive or what is feeding the vine by the fruit. As I was thinking on these words and beginning to realize there was real fruit in my life and not the fake fruit like my grandma always kept in the bowl on her kitchen table, the second event happened. I stumbled upon John 15 again and read through the whole pruning process and how if we abide in Christ, we will bear fruit. Then in John 15:11 the words of Christ hit me “that your joy may be full.” You know what? Every kind act of love or service that was on the list I made two weeks ago brought me great joy. Every single one. It was real love!!!

What can you take away from this or what is my point? One, I’m so thankful for a God that sees me through my crazy times. I’m usually very level headed and in touch with reality. However, at those times when my thoughts are out of control and creating chaos in my head, my heavenly father doesn’t chastise me or reprimand me. Instead, He lovingly helps me find solid ground again. Two. I have to stay rooted in Christ and feed on his word so that I can produce real fruit. In other words so I can love with the love describe in Romans. A real love with genuine affection. I can’t do this on my own. The fruit is a product of the vine. Three, I am full of joy because of all I get to do for others. Serving others is really what I enjoy doing the most.

Whew, Now that is Mercy

And how do I show thanks?

ticket It is the worst feeling ever. You are driving along, minding your own business, solving all the problems of the world, when all of a sudden you pass the deviously hidden black & white car. It is too late to slam on the brakes, you have already flown passed it. I always just try to play it cool as I watch in the mirror to see if the officer is going to pull out and follow me or let me continue on my journey. On this particular day, I was taking a different route home from work because I had been to a meeting in a nearby school district. I was fresh off the highway and didn’t realize how quickly the speed limit had decreased until I saw the lights flipping on as I passed by. There wasn’t even time to wonder if I was going to get to keep on driving. Now the question was what the damage was going to be. It is a whole new level of dread. I usually just take the approach of saying as little as possible and admitting my guilt with full apologizes as I await the news of ticket or warning. Today for some reason, I just started in with the excuses mixed in with apologizes: I don’t usually drive this road, I didn’t realize the speed limit had changed, I’m so sorry for not paying attention. After about a five minute chat that digressed from the number of children that lived close by to the fact I needed to go to Wal-Mart to get groceries for supper, I finally received the much anticipated news that I would only receive a warning.

I so deserved a ticket. I was going 63 in a 45. I have no idea why he decided to only give me a warning, but it was the most amazing feeling ever. As he went back to his car to write my warning, I was celebrating by sending pictures to Scott and the kids. The thing is, God shows us mercy on a daily basis and I’m sure I don’t celebrate in the same manner. I’m not talking about the ultimate grace and mercy God showed by sending His son and providing the perfect sacrifice for our sins thus creating forgiveness when we in no way deserved it. I’m talking about the mercy and grace God provides in our lives on a daily basis. How often do I stop and give God the credit for the gifts he gives.

First, just to be clear, there is a difference between mercy and grace. I catch myself using them synonymously. The officer extended mercy to me by not giving me the ticket I deserved. Grace on the other hand is when we receive kindness or a blessing that isn’t earned or deserved. Thinking about the grace and mercy experienced every day, I don’t necessarily know what an appropriate consequence would be for every action I make that isn’t the most pleasing to God, but even if there was an immediate response such as a small electronic buzz every time I had an ugly thought, said something ungodly, the little buzzer would be quite busy. Fortunately God doesn’t punish us in that manner. He loves us. Ephesians 2:4 & 5 “But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive and together with Christ.” The same is true with grace. The Lord has blessed me with so much more than I deserve, but do I take time to celebrate or even just whisper a prayer of thanks.

I was trying to think of some recent times I could clearly see God’s grace or mercy in my life. I thought of the time I was displaying a little road rage and by all means should have been ran into the barricade. I still don’t know how my car fit between the truck and the cement edge. Oh wait, maybe it was God’s mercy. I deserved to get ran off the road for thinking I could take on a battle with a semi and win. I thought of the time when I was having a bad day last week. I felt like I was being attacked for only trying to help then out of the clear blue, I received a card from a friend thanking me for something I had done that really seemed small to me, but had meant something to them. Tell me that isn’t the grace of God. It made the other matter seem insignificant.

It was probably three weeks ago there was a wreck on the interstate so I was taking the back roads to bypass the traffic. This detour took me past some apartments with boarded up windows, cars without all four tires, and many other signs of undesirable conditions. As I passed through this area of town, there was just a small moment of judgement on my part before I was overwhelmed with conviction. My first thoughts centered around why would anyone live there? They should just close those apartments down and other very disparaging thoughts. Then quickly God brought to my attention how easily I could be living a life completely different, if not for His grace and mercy. I thought of the alcoholism both of my grandfathers suffered from during their lives and how I could just as easily suffer from the same addictive behaviors. There is an extreme difference in the four miles between where these apartments are located and where my house is located, however the only difference that keeps me from living in one place over the other is God’s grace and mercy.

So, today, as I celebrate not paying an enormous traffic ticket, I also want to take time to thank the Lord for loving me so much that He doesn’t make me pay for all of the stupid mistakes I make on a daily basis and loving me so much that he blesses me far beyond anything I deserve.

Mental Training Schedule

You have to take time and get off the treadmill.

treadmill A couple of weeks ago I made a comment to my mom that I thought I should go to the doctor to find out why I was so tired all of the time. In the wisdom that only moms have, she commented, “you could be tired because you never rest.” With that in mind, I decided to keep a log of what I did each day and how often I was able to sit down and let my mind and body just rest. Today is the first day I have sat down in our living room in three weeks. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not working myself to death. Half of what I am doing is fun and includes time spent with friends, but it isn’t restful. It isn’t quiet time.

I by no means claim to be physically fit or know anything about physical training, but from what I have read or heard from people who take conditioning seriously, you have to cycle activities and one cycle includes rest. Your muscles need time to heal as part of the growing process and this takes rest. The same is true of our mental capacities.

It is true that during stressful times in our lives, we can be emotionally tired in a way that is equivalent to physical tiredness. I have come home at night exhausted even though I didn’t do any grueling work such as lifting boxes, swinging a hammer until my or climbing up and down a ladder. All I did was make decision after decision, answer e-mails with carefully worded responses, listening to colleagues with empathy and working to solve problems in a diplomatic way. I might as well have ran a marathon. It couldn’t have been any more exhausting – well maybe just a little, but I was wiped out from mental work. I first realized the effort that was involved in just emotional control after Jeff passed away. I would come home from work without a bit of energy left and all I had done that day was keep my emotions at bay for the day. Anyway, point is, we need times of emotional and mental rest just as much as we need times of physical rest.

This isn’t anything new or profound. It is just something I have to remind myself to do. There are times I actually schedule “do nothing” days. I put it on the calendar, announce it to my family and protect it like it is ordered by God. Oh wait, didn’t He order us to rest on the Sabbath? It was actually the 4th commandment (Exodus 20). Not only was this a time for rest, but a time to remember what God had done for Israel by delivering them from slavery. The law in Leviticus 25 takes this commandment one step further. Every seven years the Israelites were to give the land rest and not plant or prune. This was to remember the land belonged to God and if Israel would follow Him, He would provide and bless them. Following the commandment was an act of faith. To not plant, meant possibly to not eat.

This may not apply you, but sitting down and resting is hard for me to do. It is almost an act of faith. In order to take time to rest, I have to trust that it will be okay if everything on my “to do” list doesn’t get done tonight. Now my ability to feed my family isn’t at risk, but for those out there like me (please tell me I’m not alone) who cannot rest until everything is done, sitting down and taking it easy is hard. Back to the training schedule, I can only imagine it is hard to take a day off from training when preparing for a competition, but it is necessary or you will over do it and injure yourself. I am finding the same is true with mental rest.

This is like most of my blogs. It is more for me than anyone else. But I sit here looking at this log of activities and realize I have to take more time to rest, more time to read God’s word, and more time to just sit in His presence and remember how great He is.

He has This Under Control

We never know what life is going to throw our way, but God has it under control.

How can it be such a typical day until a sudden change of events happens that completely catches you unprepared? This happened to me the other day. It was just an ordinary day at work. I came home expecting the routine of fixing supper, maybe going for a walk, watching tv and/or working on the computer for a while. However, as I was pulling in the driveway, I stopped to get the mail only to find a letter from the IRS. I never get mail from the IRS, so it was the first letter I opened. I had to look at it several times to make sure it was real. It was a bill for $174,893.00. Yes, I have the decimal point in the right place. I know, I had to look twice too. IRS

Strangely, I didn’t get upset about this surprise. This could be due to a number of reasons:

The absurdity of it. How can you owe more than you make? Evidently you can. But it just couldn’t be correct. There had to be some kind of mistake.
I’ve been through something similar before and after a couple days of prayer, it worked out. I will tell you that story next.
I’ve heard you can make payments to the IRS for the rest of your life if you have to and they can’t take your house or anything like that.

These thoughts literally went through my mind as I was reading the letter again and again. Oh, and Scott is going to flip out when he sees this. It is one thing to get a big bill that you are prepared for. For example in August I expect the water bill or the electric bill to be higher than normal and there is always this nervous anticipation as I open it. However, this was a complete shock.

Similarly in 2013 only months after Jeff had passed away, I was going to meet with our accountant to get my taxes figured by myself for the very fist time. As a matter of fact, I had to google where her office was because I had never done this before. I felt very confident that I had everything I needed and would get money back as usual. I still had the farm and although I’m sure I couldn’t find every receipt from Jeff’s wonderful filing system that consisted of sticking receipts in the glove box, in the basket by the door… I was confident I had the majority of expenses documented. As I was driving to her office, I was making plans for how I was going to spend my refund. I committed a certain amount to a bible project the church was working on, going to donate some to a charity that was important to our family and I was going to by myself a nice ring to wear where I had worn my wedding ring. That was going in.

Coming out, all I could do was thank the Lord that even though I owed an amount equivalent to a modest salary or equivalent to the purchase of a new car, I did have the money in an account to pay it. I remember praying all the way home and just thanking God that no mater that I owed, He had already provided for me to pay this bill. The money to pay the bill was in the same account that turned out to be the problem. When I called my financial adviser to get the money out, he couldn’t understand how I could owe taxes. He did some checking for me and found out that when Jeff’s retirement was rolled to a non-taxed account, the IRS form had been marked incorrectly and I was being taxed as if that money was income. Once I got the corrected form and sent it to my tax lady, guess what? I was getting a return. It is times like this that has proven to me over and over that God is faithful.

Back to my new tax experience. Because of the fact that so many times in my life God has been faithful, this one didn’t seem to rattle me. Now Scott’s reaction was a little different. At first he didn’t believe me. He thought I was saying it wrong. He had to take the paper from my hand and look at himself. I have no doubt in his mind he was wondering how he was going to cover my debt. He knows I don’t have that much in my savings account. He started asking me a thousand questions about 2015 that I couldn’t begin answer. He was already working on a payment plan in his head and I’m sure wondering what he got himself into. Remember we had just celebrated our 1 year anniversary the week this letter came in the mail. To put your mind at ease, the bill had something to do with the sale of the farm. The IRS did not realize it was my primary residence. It cost me $50 to refile my 2015 taxes and all should be well.

What I can tell you is no matter what you suddenly find yourself going through, the death of a family member in a car wreck, an unexpected diagnosis, a child that has decided to live a lifestyle in ways he/she was not raised, or a spouse that has decided he/she isn’t in love with you any more, God has it under control. Life isn’t always fun, but through time, He provides a light at the end of the tunnel.

You know, there are lots of places we can put our trust. We can put our trust in a savings account or we can put our trust in our jobs. I will say there was a time where I put my trust in the fact that I had “followed all the rules.” How could anything bad happen to me because I had lived my life according to all of the church rules. I have found there is only one place you can put your trust and that is in God. As a warrior going into battle, King David states in Psalms 20:7, “Some trust in chariots, and some in horses, But we will remember the name of the Lord our God.” King David knew where he had to put his trust during battle when his and his men’s lives were literally on the line. An extremely large tax bill does not equate to going into a physical battle during King David’s time, but where we put our trust is still the same. We need to put our trust in the only person capable of such responsibility.

What are you Craving?

We were taking a road trip last weekend and while I was driving, Scott was reading to me quality finds on FB. One that sparked a debatable conversation was a Mental Floss article over the top 25 most addictive foods. Fist I have to tell you, by my definition, for a food item to be considered addictive it has to be a food you crave and drive across town to get such as french fries, a food you start and eat the entire bag before you realize it such as potato chips, or a food you store and hide places such as candy. I was trying to guess what items would be on the list and was pretty successful with the top 5, but it fell off from there. Included in the list were food items such as steak or eggs. Now, I get hungry for a steak every now and then so maybe it is addictive, but I can honestly say even though I like eggs, I have never stored them in my desk drawer or just kept eating them even though I wasn’t even hungry.

I would say there are a couple of addictions in my life. I have to drink at least one Diet Coke a day or the head ache is unbelievable. I used to drink 3 or 4 a day, but these days I only allow myself one. I also desperately need something sweet after every meal. I literally start craving something sweet as soon as I finish eating. I’m not hungry. I just want something sweet.

I would even venture to say I am addicted to non-food pleasures such as shopping or working in the flowerbeds. It is easy to get addicted to the feeling of buying yourself something nice and that feeling you have when you put on a new outfit and feel confident in what you are wearing. It provides a feeling that I desire. It is different with yard work. It provides immediate satisfaction. You work hard and when you are finished, you can look around the yard with a sense of accomplishment. These pleasures are senses or feeling that I naturally desire to replicate.

As humans created by God, we were created for God’s glory (Isaiah 43:7) and God’s pleasure (Revelation 4:11). To glorify God is to:

love Him – “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.”Deuteronomy 6:5

Love others – “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.: Matthew 22:39

Point others to Him – “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16

Glorifying the Lord only takes place with a healthy relationship with Him. John 14:23, “If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word, and my Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him.” The same reference of spending time in the home together is made in Revelations 3:20, “If any hear my voice and open the door, I will come into their house and eat with them and they will eat with me.” This is evidence to the desire of the relationship God desires to have with us.

As I reflect upon my relationship with Christ I divide it into two parts. The first part is simply habitual. It is just a natural reaction or instinct. After Jeff passed away, I felt the need to pick up the phone and call him anytime something happened or I heard of something he would want to know. It was just a habit. The same is true with calling out to the Lord. There is this habitual instinct to call on the Lord anytime there is a problem or to thank Him as soon as something good happens. I believe this is from a good raising. Calling out to the Lord was taught and modeled in our house growing up. I don’t know anything else.

The second part is the deep relationship piece that requires time spent in prayer and in the Word. It takes a conscious effort to put everything else aside and seek the Lord’s presence. No one would argue the wonderful experience felt in His presence. It is a peaceful, safe place where you can pour out you soul or just relax and rest in His presence. It is a part of why we were created. I believe this relationship should be as addictive as the bag of potato chips in the pantry. It is something we should desire and seek after.

Why is it the reward of spending time developing a relationship with the Lord is more rewarding and fulfilling than buying a new pair of shoes, but I don’t treat it with the dependency of an addict? I am so good at the habitual part of my relationship with Christ. I automatically give Him glory when something good happens, and I automatically call out to him in time of need. It is taking the time so spend in His presence where I fall short. I love the time I spend in prayer and spend in God’s word. I even crave it and make great plans for it to happen on a daily basis. The problem is my addiction is often not strong enough to survive through the busy schedule or to take priority over all of the other conflicting addictions. I pray that I can be as addicted to spending time with the Lord as I am to Diet Coke. Nothing stands in my way.