The last two weeks have been a little crazy in my head. There have been times I wondered who was living up there because it couldn’t be me. I’m normally very rational and level headed. Strangely the week started out with a full out fit of self-pity. As I prayed one night, I literally made out a list of all the favors, sacrifices and jobs I was doing for others and asked God when someone was going to do something for me. Now, as I type this, it seems utterly ridiculous. But at that time, that night, it was real. I was spent and emotionally exhausted. First, I want to say, I am so thankful for a loving Lord who doesn’t mock the nonsense of such complaints, but instead wraps his arms around me and provides comfort.
Fortunately the uncharacteristic pity-party was short-lived and I was back to normal until I attend a funeral for an 83 year old woman whom I had never met. As I listened to this lovely lady’s family talk about her love for family and others I began to feel so unworthy as a mother and a friend. Then one of the granddaughters read from Roman 12:9-12 NLT to describe her grandmother’s love. “Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.” As I thought on these words, “don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them,” I became overwhelmed with the notion that I loved others out of duty not out of real love. I loved or served others because it was what I was supposed to do, not out of a pure heart that was loving others with a Christ-like love. I mean wasn’t it just the week before that I was complaining about all I had to do for my family and friends?
Again, thanks to a loving Lord that helps me through my crazy times. I went home and started reading scriptures on love trying to figure out the difference between real love or pure love as opposed to love that is out of obligation or duty. I was convinced everything I did for others was just because I was expected to do it or someone might be disappointed in me if I didn’t. At first every scripture just confirmed that. I read scripture after scripture about how great God’s love is and how we are to love others with this same type of love. Eph. 5:1,2; John 15:9-13; Romans 8:32; John 13: 34 & 35 all made the guilt even heavier. There was no way I loved with the loved described in these scriptures.
Then two things happened. One, I came across Galatians 5:22, ” But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” which reminded me that you can always tell the motive or what is feeding the vine by the fruit. As I was thinking on these words and beginning to realize there was real fruit in my life and not the fake fruit like my grandma always kept in the bowl on her kitchen table, the second event happened. I stumbled upon John 15 again and read through the whole pruning process and how if we abide in Christ, we will bear fruit. Then in John 15:11 the words of Christ hit me “that your joy may be full.” You know what? Every kind act of love or service that was on the list I made two weeks ago brought me great joy. Every single one. It was real love!!!
What can you take away from this or what is my point? One, I’m so thankful for a God that sees me through my crazy times. I’m usually very level headed and in touch with reality. However, at those times when my thoughts are out of control and creating chaos in my head, my heavenly father doesn’t chastise me or reprimand me. Instead, He lovingly helps me find solid ground again. Two. I have to stay rooted in Christ and feed on his word so that I can produce real fruit. In other words so I can love with the love describe in Romans. A real love with genuine affection. I can’t do this on my own. The fruit is a product of the vine. Three, I am full of joy because of all I get to do for others. Serving others is really what I enjoy doing the most.
View From My Shoes 
You are one of the most giving and loving ladies around! I love this blog! It speaks to me every time the Lord prompts you to write! Thank you for being “real” and transparent! Thank you also for sharing revelation and confirmation through the WORD! We just talked about the book ‘Love Does’ a few weeks ago when I was in your home!😊….
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