Right now we are going through the miserable experience called selling our house. This means that within a moment’s notice we have to evacuate the house and make sure it is “show ready” as we departure. Since we have been doing this for several months now, we have it down like a well-rehearsed dance routine.
First let me say, there are three levels of clean. There is “we live here” clean. This means there may be a glass or two in the sink, some books on the sofa, a load of clothes on the dryer to be folded and of course the bed isn’t made. Next there is “company” clean. We can go from “live here” clean to “company” clean in about 15 minutes. However the third level of clean is completely different. It is “show ready” clean. This level of clean allows for people to go through your closets and cabinet at free will. For us it also includes a list of crazy steps such as opening hidden spice rack cabinets, putting out notes about instant hot water, washing a load of clothes (so the laundry room smells like laundry) and walking out of the house backwards followed by the vacuum cleaner to make sure there are no footprints in the carpet. This dance also includes the ritual of taking items like the dog crate, the close hamper, the blankets from the sofa and shoving them in the car. These are the items that are a part of our everyday lives. However, we hide them in the car when prospective buyers are scheduled to visit. Our routine takes us about 30 minutes. 30 minutes to create the illusion of perfection.
While we may be able to create this illusion for perspective house buyers, I realized I often try to create this illusion with God. The God that knows my every thought; the God that loves me more than the human mind can comprehend. This is the God I want present myself to as the perfect Christian with the faith to move mountains. In order to appear this way, I hide my fear and doubt from Him pretending it doesn’t exist. I go to Him in prayer like a mighty warrior pretending I’m not scared or worried about anything. Why do I think I need to or even can hide these emotions from my Heavenly Father.
Please tell me I am not alone. Maybe you are angry, defeated, or overwhelmed. Do you present these emotions to God in prayer, or do you feel like when you talk to God it has to be a conversation of love, peace and confidence? Maybe, just maybe, we set higher expectations for ourselves than God does. 1 John 3:20, “If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts and he knows everything. ” Our hearts know we cannot measure up, but thank goodness, God is greater and more understanding than our human hearts.
Back to selling the house, when I am confused why the house hasn’t sold yet or why we haven’t found a new house that we can call OUR house, instead of just asking God why and admitting I don’t understand, I go to God and pretend that I fully trust in his timing. While I do trust him, I try to hide the dirty laundry that in reality I only 75% – 80% trust him. The remaining percent is full of questions and the desire to take the matter into my own hands.
We were actually driving around with the car full of our hidden secrets (like no one else has dirty clothes in a clothes hamper at their house) when God placed on my heart how I try to hide my undesirable emotions and feelings from Him. Now, as I am sitting here writing my thoughts, I am vowing to be more honest with my God who already knows the truth anyway. I pray that you can come to a place where there is a deep enough trust to be honest with God as well. He already knows and He loves you the same.
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
View From My Shoes 